SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to my Newsletter Subscribe to my Newsletter
Free Bookings
Helping yourself, Life Tips

The scary wake-up call I had that made me realise I was practising self-care all wrong!!!!

Nearly two years ago now I wrote a blog post about the self-care craze and how important it is to ensure we take time for ourselves to ‘tap out’ of being online all the time and to take time for ourselves to reflect, unwind and switch off. I still believe in all the tips in that article and they have certainly served their purpose for me (check the blog post out here), however, I’ve also realised this……

“I’VE BEEN DOING SELF-CARE ALL WRONG AT ITS VERY CORE!!!!”

At its very basic level, self-care is about, just that – caring for ourselves.  Yet, after having a pretty scary wake-up call recently I have realised that NO amount of smoothies, meditation or walks along the beach, will save me from not taking care of myself at the very base level.  

What do I mean by this? I mean, sticking to health appointments, following up on concerns you might have and not falling into the trap of saying “I am too busy”, because what we are really saying is “my health isn’t a priority”. And it is easy to take it for granted, particularly if you have had a really good run health wise. It’s easy to assume you’ll always be like that and therefore not stay on top of the things that you should – e.g Drs appointments, annual check-ups, skin checks, etc.

You might be reading this going “yeah, no worries, I take my health seriously!”. Yep, I was saying that too. And it was all good and well, until I got hit with the truth bomb that I did saying I’ve got skin cancer in the form of melanoma. Boom. Just like that. I also knew pretty quickly that it had gotten to the stage that it did because I ignored it. Ignorantly had put other priorities first.  Ignorantly thought I had more important things to do.

Now, that really isn’t self-care at all, is it? But I also get that it is so easy to fall into this trap like I did and think “nothing like this will happen to me”. Or, “I’m fine, I don’t have time for this”. Yet, somehow, we will still manage to make time for things not important and so not related to self-care, or to our health. None of the Instagram scrolling, the TV watching, or Netflixing really matters in the long run. We will never wish we did more of that.

And to be really honest, my first thought when I was told that the mole I had on my leg was cancerous, was GUILT. This was MY fault.  I let it get this far. I knew deep down I needed to make an appointment ages ago, but I kept letting “busy” get in the way of important. I kept letting work take priority. Or, I’d keep making excuses to myself, like having meetings I couldn’t move, or projects I needed to do as an excuse. I don’t write this to be a martyr, and I definitely do not write it to rag on my workplace as it would have to be the most genuinely supportive place I have ever worked. I write it because I know I am not alone. I know there are others who would be using their “busyness” as an excuse.  Their full diaries as a reason not to go to an appointment. I now have only one response for this…. STOP IT. We need to take accountability for ourselves and our health.

Why? Because your health needs to be number one, always. It must come first. It is the ultimate form of self-care and if you can make time to blend your morning smoothie, walk along the beach, do a yoga class, or scroll your Instagram feed, then you can 100% make time for your self-care at its very base level.

This blog has always prided itself on being honest, vulnerable and cutting through the crap. Part of that means me being completely honest with you all when sh*t gets a bit real in my own life. If even one person goes and makes a skin check appointment out of this blog, I’ll have achieved my goal.

If you’ve found yourself stuck in your own way – NOW is the time to get out of it. I can help you. Just ask me how. That is the first step.

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

How to manage Interview Guilt?

Welcome to our ‘Real Women’ Interview Series with Charlene Perera!

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

Are you feeling a bit of the post-holiday blues at the moment? Wishing you were still by your pool with a nice cold cocktail, but instead you are back at your desk dealing with the seemingly endless emails that enter your inbox daily? I have no doubt you are not alone here my friend! So, if you are lacking motivation at the moment, or just feeling like you need a little pep talk to get you back on track for the new year, below are some of my favourite tips, tricks and resources that I use to do just that.

Each year I like look to back at some of the books, videos, podcasts, quotes and learnings that I indulged in and which ones really resonated with me the most or pushed me to take action. I am sharing these with you in the hope that you might find they do the same too. FYI – Nothing listed below is a paid endorsement – these are all just videos, books, articles, quotes, etc I have found helpful and wanted to share the love.

1.I finished this book in a couple of hours because I couldn’t put it down! Get yourself a copy of “Purpose”, by Lisa Messenger immediately.  Have you ever considered why you get up and go to work every day? (Besides your bills, of course!). Have you ever stopped to consider why you open your eyes in the morning and instead of sitting on the couch for the next 8 hours you decide to get up and go to your job – THAT particular job? How do you feel at the end of those 8 hours?  Are you exhausted and counting down the minutes until it is over, or do you feel fulfilled, happy, challenged?  This book will help you really think about these things and help you on your path to finding your unique purpose.

2. This TED talk is EVERYTHING!!!! If you have ever needed some clarity over your identity or working out WHO you really are and what defines you (or doesn’t), this TED talk will help put all of that into perspective. Apart from that, it is also just an incredibly inspirational talk by a truly mesmerizing speaker – Best 13 minutes you could spend! What defines YOU – Lizzie Velasquez TED Talkhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=c62Aqdlzvqk

3. Use this year to compete with yourself and STOP comparing yourself to others.  This quote really resonated with me – “Your competition isn’t other people.  Your competition is your procrastination. Your ego. The unhealthy food you’re consuming. The knowledge you neglect. The negative behaviour you’re nurturing and your lack of creativity. Compete against that.” Unknown author.  If you are someone who loses motivation quickly by comparing yourself to others, check out this blog about the damage you do to yourself  when you compare – CLICK HERE 

4. Get yourself a coach or an a**-kicker to help keep you on track – I have been blessed enough to have had a couple of coaches over the last few years and my lesson is this…. It is SO important that you find a coach that you feel “gets” you.  If you aren’t on the same wave length, it isn’t going to work. I have had good and bad coaching experiences – not because they weren’t good, but because I don’t think they were the right coach for me at that time, or they weren’t aligned with who I was and what I was about.  Don’t like the idea of a coach? Then find yourself a trusted and truthful friend who will hold you to account on your goals and commitments.

5. Work out what your non-negotiables are and STICK to them! Is family the most important thing in your life? Then why are you not creating boundaries to make sure you are home in time to spend quality time with them each night? Health your number one priority? Then create space for exercise and stick to it. Are you focussing more on mindfulness and meditation? The how is scrolling your phone first thing in the morning helping you with that?  Not sure HOW to set boundaries that you’ll stick to? Watch this space for more info to come!

6. Make your goals visible! You all know I am not a fan of New Year’s resolutions (if you didn’t know that and want to know why, click here!) – I far prefer taking more time, digging much deeper and working out what you actually want in life overall.  However, once you have a plan on what your life goals look like, and you have decided on what your non-negotiables are – MAKE THEM VISIBLE! Whether this is through a vision board that you continue to update (it should be a live piece of work, not something static that never gets refreshed), or you program your phone to remind you of your goals each day, whatever works for you – just make it visible and something you continue to be reminded of.

7. If you are feeling in a bit of a funk, maybe it is time to get yourself out of your comfort zone, consciously! Try some new hobbies, go to places you haven’t been, eat food you’ve never tried, speak to people you don’t know – I dare you! Watch this ted Talk for some extra motivation – “Try something new for the next 30 days – Matt Cutts (4mins”) https://www.ted.com/talks/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days

8. Don’t procrastinate – EAT THAT FROG! Ever heard of the phrase “Eat that frog”? It basically means to eat the ugliest, worst looking frog in your day first – or, complete the worst, most challenging task that you have to do, straight away. It will help create a sense of achievement early on in your day and then help you avoid procrastination for the remainder of it. Check out Brian Tracey’s book “Eat that Frog” if you haven’t read it before.

9. This one is an interesting one because just the title alone feels insincere. However, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of the best books you can read if one of your focusses this year is on building your relationships and truly understanding people, then this is the book for you! If you want to dip your toes in first, check out this article  –  https://www.hubspot.com/sales/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-summary

If there is something in you that just wants a little more. If there is something in you that knows there must be more to what you are experiencing now, but you don’t know what it is. If you aren’t sad, but you definitely aren’t happy – talk to me.  I can help you. I can help you wake up in the morning excited to take on the day. I can help you build the confidence you need to ask for what you want. I can help you gain clarity on what your career path could, should and can be.

But….the first step starts with you to decide that you are done being in your own way and ready to help yourself.

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

How to manage Interview Guilt?

Welcome to our ‘Real Women’ Interview Series with Charlene Perera!

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

Can you believe another year has nearly come to an end!! Was 2018 what you hoped it would be? Did you put yourself out there as much you said you would in January? What did you achieve this year personally and professionally? Have you stepped forward and out of your comfort zone, or have you played it safe and are just getting through each day (if you are doing this, we need to talk!!)?

Below are the 10 major things that I have learnt this year and wanted to share with you – they’ve formed the basis of a lot of my blogs this year based on conversations I have had with people, challenges I have personally faced, and most definitely lessons that I have learnt along the way. If any of these points really resonate with you, then I suggest you click the “READ THIS” links next to them that will take you to my wider thoughts on the topic.

As the year comes to a close, do yourself the favour of taking some time out to reflect on your year – what worked, what didn’t and above all else, what did you learn? If you aren’t happy, remember, you have a choice.

Also, hopefully you are having a bit of a break over the festive season, so what a great opportunity to refresh yourself on some of the “Best of” 2018 Eating your Cake too blog posts!

MY LESSONS FROM 2018…..

  1. If you don’t ask, you don’t get…. If you miss out on an opportunity that you didn’t put yourself out there for in the first place, that is your fault. No one else’s. You have two options now. Throw your toys out of the cot and sulk or get back up and learn a lesson – ask for what you want.  You have to take responsibility for your own life – deferring it to others gives you a scapegoat and a reason to blame when it doesn’t work out –READ THIS, ALSO READ THIS , AND FINALLY, READ THIS
  1. You need to be relentless in the pursuit of your own goals – It takes courage to put yourself out there and be brave about what you want. It also takes work. A lot of work. Putting your goals on a piece of paper or on a pretty vision board isn’t enough. You have to consciously work at them every day. And check yo’self to make sure you haven’t gotten too comfortable. Comfort and routine feels good, it feels nice – but it is often where the safe play and where the safe get stuckREAD THIS
  1. Be kind and don’t judge others – Just because others may live a life differently to you, doesn’t make it wrong. What is wrong, is judging them based on your own values set. We need to stick together, not tear each other down. Every time you judge another person for what they say, or don’t say, wear or don’t wear, look at yourself in the mirror – you are the one with the issue, not them.READ THIS
  1. But also remember, you can only help people so much –Always lend an ear when people need to talk. Be supportive, take time and help where you can, but acknowledge that some people don’t want to get out of their own way, and that is their responsibility, not yours.  READ THIS.
  1. There is plenty of awesomeness to go around – STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS! There is no awesomeness tap – you can be just as fabulous as the person next to you. Comparing yourself to others just makes you miserable and chews up time you could of been spending on improving yourself.  Compete with yourself every day. Beat yourself every day. But not those around you. READ THIS
  1. Relationships are the most important thing in getting what you need, both professionally and personally. If you treat people like sh*t and then want their help, do you really think they’ll be there? READ THIS
  1. You cannot be all things, to all people, all the time. You are one person and saying no when you need to is OK. Also, not everyone will like you AND that is ok too! READ THIS  AND, READ THIS
  1. Make time every day for yourself, and yourself only, even 10 minutes – there is only so long you can last doing everything for everyone else, except for you. Take the time to get to know yourself. What are your triggers, what gets you excited? What gets you up in the morning? The more you know about yourself, the better you will be as a human being. READ THIS.
  1. Don’t’ ever be too proud to ask for help – it is not asking for it when you need it that makes you a tool! READ THIS
  1. Don’t do things for people on the basis that you expect they will for you in return. Everyone is different and if you’re only doing something for someone in the hope you will receive it back, when it doesn’t happen, you’ll just be resentful for something you expected from them, that was ultimately self-serving and that they may not even be aware of. READ THIS
  1. And finally (yes, I know I said 10, but I’ve added a bonus lesson!) – YOU CAN Get the f*ck out of your own way– you were given the opportunity, or the challenge that you were for a reason – you’ve got this, you CAN do it, so make the most of it! You are on this earth once, for one blimp in the existence of the whole world. You can look at that as a sad fact, or something really powerful – something that sparks you to make a change in the 30,000 days you have here to make it.

If there is something in you that just wants a little more. If there is something in you that knows there must be more to what you are experiencing now, but you don’t know what it is. If you aren’t sad, but you definitely aren’t happy – talk to me.  I can help you. I can help you wake up in the morning excited to take on the day. I can help you build the confidence you need to ask for what you want. I can help you gain clarity on what your career path could, should and can be.

But….the first step starts with you to decide that you are done being in your own way.

Claire Seeber
Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

How to manage Interview Guilt?

Welcome to our ‘Real Women’ Interview Series with Charlene Perera!

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

Self work is the hardest work, without doubt. Being bold enough to look deep into yourself and ask the question, “Who am I?” warts and all, is one of the toughest questions we can ask. Why? Because it means we have to deal with some of the things we’d rather not know about ourselves. It means we have to accept that there are traits about us that limit us from being our best self. That there are traits that derail us from living our full potential. The best thing about digging deep though is that you get to learn new things about yourself – that gives you more power than anything else you could ever ask for.

Once you know what your unique core motivators are and you can truthfully identify with them (not what you wish they were!), you are able to understand more about your behaviours, your triggers and what happens when this core motivator feels stressed or triggered (Often, this is the behaviour that we usually regret doing, but in the moment couldn’t help ourselves). Imagine the power you would have if you were able to manage those triggers for good instead of bad?  Leverage them to work FOR you, instead of AGAINST you.

It always interesting to me how many people still view the whole “self-help” or “personal growth” field as “Woooo woooo”, or a waste of money. An industry predicated on drawing people away from who they really are. I heard someone the other day openly diss another person for embarking on a self-discovery journey. FYI – Generally, the weakness you note in someone else, is the weakness in you.


My question to you is this.
By not taking time to understand more about what drives you, motivates you, or triggers you, aren’t you actually the one living a sheltered, numb’ish experience of life? Aren’t you ultimately the coward who doesn’t want to know more about themselves so that they learn how to leverage their best skills, work on how to close some of their gaps and in the process become a more compassionate and understanding human towards the differences in other people?

Aren’t you the individual who will ultimately live a disempowered, ignorant life that won’t get you close to your full potential – by the way, this won’t be anyone else’s fault but yours. Annnnnnnd breathe out.  If I have just offended you – it means I’ve hit a nerve in you. You are at a crossroads now in terms of choosing ignorance or empowerment.

I had the fortune of attending a training course a few weeks back. It was most significant investment I’ve made in my own learning and growth with the exception of a university degree, so I was praying it would be worth it. It was. What I walked away with in terms of understanding myself and the psychodynamics associated with WHY we behave the way we behave sometimes, has just unlocked a new layer in me that I didn’t have before.

I learnt some things I didn’t like along the way. Now that I know these things though, I can work on them. The good comes with the bad. The light always comes with a shadow.  I already knew that at my core I was motivated by living life to its fullest in terms of experiencing everything. I thought that was the best core motivator EVER! However, there is always a shadow  – I am often never in the now. I am often so future focussed and looking at what is next, that I can often come off as scattered and not really “available”. I can glaze over when something isn’t as interesting to me as what I deem the “future” to be.  I avoid negativity because it could mean pain and I’d rather focus on the future than deal with pain.

This is something I had as a blind spot and the impact it can have on my relationships and my team. I am being open about it here and choosing to be brave, to be vulnerable, and to accept that this is true in the hope that it might light something up in you to want to explore the same. Now I can focus on growing this muscle instead of just ignoring it like I have for the last 31 years.

When people don’t know themselves truly, they don’t know their full potential.  And when you don’t know your full potential you limit yourself in terms of what you think you are capable of. People lose confidence and self-esteem when they don’t know who they are. When a lack of self-esteem or confidence is evident, people convince themselves that they do not deserve good things in life and they thus decrease their own expectations for things such as promotions at work, fulfillment at work or in life etc.

 

Want to know what level of self-awareness you have? Ask yourself these questions, truthfully.

1) Who are you? – Note: This is not what you do, what you like or don’t like, it isn’t a character you play in your life (e.g mother, sister, wife, girlfriend, manager, etc), it is who are YOU?
2) What words describe you?
3) What words don’t describe you?
4) What do you know about yourself that works for you?
5) What do you know about yourself that doesn’t work for you?

If you struggled to answer these, don’t worry. You are not alone. However, it may mean that your levels of self-awareness aren’t high, which means you could be missing out on things just by not tapping into your full potential. I’d love to hear from you and how you answered these questions! I can also help you put the meat on the bones here or dig a little deeper if you are ready to.

Ever done a discovery session? I am currently offering these utilising the Enneagram transformational tool. Want to know more about yourself? There is no time like the present. Discovery sessions are a great, cost effective intro exercise that helps you start the development journey. The sessions are a two hour time commitment, but what you walk away with could change the path of your life!

 

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

How to manage Interview Guilt?

Welcome to our ‘Real Women’ Interview Series with Charlene Perera!

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

You’ve done it. Everything you have worked so hard for has been recognised. The late nights, the extra work, its been noticed and you have been promoted into a leadership role. Amazing! You get to lead a team. You get to set the tone for your team and drive the teams objectives forward. It will be fun they said. It will be great they said. YOU will be great, they said.

Then reality hits. You’ve never managed people before. In fact, you are now managing people who last week were your colleagues. You used to whinge together over lunch about your manager – now you are that person. Sh*t. Will they talk about you behind your back too? Will they think you aren’t capable, or that you shouldn’t have been promoted over them? Are you even capable? Oh gosh, people will realise I can’t do this! I can’t do this!!!! (insert minor melt down…) These tend to be some of the thoughts that I hear people go through the first time they start to lead a team.

HELLO Imposter Syndrome – nice to see you again! Welcome to the club of women (and some men!) who experience this every day. Imposter Syndrome can present itself in many ways and on very different occasions – it is a “different strokes for different folks”, kinda syndrome this one! Ever had that all-encompassing feeling of self-doubt, that feeling that everyone around you is questioning your ability, or your worth? That, my friend, is the ever-pesky Imposter Syndrome kicking into gear.

I used to be terrible for this and was the absolute epitome of what Imposter Syndrome stands for. And then one day, I realised something.  Not one person actually told me that I couldn’t do something, or that I wasn’t capable. In fact, quite the opposite. It was all in my head.  I was the one who told myself I wasn’t capable.

Are you reading this wondering if Imposter Syndrome has sunk its pesky little claws into you?

 

Here’s what Imposter Syndrome might feel like:
  • Being 100% sure you are going to fail at almost anything you set out to;
  • Devaluing or being self-deprecating of your experience or expertise in front of others because someone else might appear more confident, more experienced, older, wiser, than you;
  • Feeling like a fraud and like someone is going to find out about you, or your lack of ability; or
  • Being sure that someone else’s leadership style, ability, confidence is better than yours.

Being promoted is a big deal, so firstly, well done!  Moving from an individual contributor role, where you are ultimately in control of your own deliverables, to a role where you are assisting a team of others to deliver is a big shift and it can feel overwhelming. But, don’t panic – here are some things for you to consider as part of your transition into a leadership role:

 

  1. Accept that there is not just one “awesome” leadership style – and STOP comparing yourself to others – YOU are also awesome.
  2. Be prepared for a little bit of awkwardness at first – Transitioning to a new role, let alone a leadership role will always be a little awkward. People get used to things being a certain way, and when things change, it can be a challenging for some people initially. Be ok with this.  It is not a reflection on your ability, it is just the process of change.
  3. Acknowledge that you had to play some part in your current success – it doesn’t all come down to luck, or whatever other B/S you have been kidding yourself that it is. You were promoted because something was seen in you – now get out of your own head and prove those people right!
  4. Ask your team what they look for in a good leader – this will not only show your team that you care, but also give a you a great insight into what support they are looking for from you.
  5. Call yourself out – when you experience the feelings of self-doubt, or like you aren’t doing a good job in your new role, call it Imposter Syndrome. Once you put a name on it, it almost makes it easier to accept. Now that you have accepted it, squash the self-deprecating thoughts and move the F**k on!
  6. Get a wing-woman – whether you have someone in your life you can do this with, or you need to consider seeking out a coach, or a mentor, get someone to help call you out on these feelings and put the actions in place that you need to (in addition to the above) to get you past it.

 

Moving into a leadership role can feel scary, a bit awkward (particularly when you are now managing people who you used to be hierarchically equal to), and you start to feel like your days have a very different meaning and purpose.  Don’t panic. This is not a reflection on you, or your abilities – this is just the awkwardness of transitioning to a new role. Be confident. Be brave and believe that you were given this opportunity because you CAN do it.

 

If despite following the above advice, you are still feeling like you are suffering from Imposter Syndrome, perhaps it is time to invest in yourself to learn how to manage it.  I can help. 

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life. 

 

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

How to manage Interview Guilt?

Welcome to our ‘Real Women’ Interview Series with Charlene Perera!

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

You’ve finally done it. You’ve landed the dream job. The dream brand or Company, the title you’ve worked so hard for, and the money – whhhhhhoooop, show meeeeee the money! There is only one problem. Now that you are there, you’ve realised it’s not quite the dream job after all. Sh*t. Now, what do you do? Does this sound like you, or have you ever had this experience before?

Unfortunately, there is always a level of risk when you take on a new role in a new business. You’ve been painted a picture that you hope to be true, but you’ll never really know until you get in to a business what it is really like and what your role will really involve day to day.  Its normal to expect that your day to day life will never be exactly what was on the job ad – there might be some slight additions, or perhaps the 10% of your time that you were told you would spend on something, actually turns out to be about 25%. Most of the time we can handle that – but what do you do when you get somewhere and you realise it is SO NOT what you were sold? When you thought you were getting the penthouse, but you end up with the ground floor studio backing onto the freeway? Eeeeeeeeeek.

 

Well, you’ve got some options on how you play this and what you do….

 

Firstly, ask yourself this. Is there actually something wrong with the job, or is it just different? Moving from one business to another is a big change, even if it was something that you volunteered for. You are meeting new people, learning new systems, likely commuting to a different building and/or suburb, plus if you have taken a role that is a step up, you’ll also be feeling the pressure of what that means. So, take a breath. Reflect on whether the new job really is sh*t, or are you just experiencing a bit of change fatigue?  If it is the second, then this is completely normal and should subside over a month or so once you settle in and get used to your new normal.

 

Secondly, reflect on this. What do you like about the role and what do you not like about it? Write it down on a piece of paper and split the page into “like” and “not like”. Is the new job in a better location, with better hours and better pay? Perhaps that’s why you took the job in the first place?  What do you not like about it currently? The people aren’t friendly, or the hours are long? You need to work our which list currently means more to you and then secondly what on the “not like” list might disappear with time.

 

Thirdly, try a glass half full approach. Look at the opportunities for growth in your new job. Sure, it might not be quite what it was sold to you as. Maybe things aren’t as advanced as what you were told. Maybe there are issues within the team.  Maybe the culture doesn’t seem as good as what you were told. Put a positive spin on this and consider, what opportunity do you have to change things for the better? To put your stamp on the business or your role? A reframing of your situation could make the world of difference and encourage you to look at your situation as an opportunity not a mistake.

 

If, after reflecting on the above three items you still feel like you’ve gone down the new job mistake gurgler, then here is the silver lining – atleast you have a job, whilst you look for another one. Unless you are in the small percentage of the world who can afford to quit and not work whilst you find something new, then this is a good thing – plus, it means you can focus on finding that right next step instead of stressing about bills you have to pay and then jumping into another new job out of panic.

My top piece of advice when looking for a new job, or when leaving one for that matter, is not to burn your bridges. Be open and honest (as much as you can be) about how you are feeling, but don’t outwardly diss your workplace because this could come back to haunt you down the track. The world is a big and a small place.

 

Being at a career crossroads can be hard. Making the decision to make a leap to a new role can be scary, but it can also be exciting. Need some help working out your next move, or what you want to do? I can help.  Email me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and we can schedule a 30-minute call obligation free to discuss how coaching could help you.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life.

Much Love,
Claire Seeber


Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

How to manage Interview Guilt?

Welcome to our ‘Real Women’ Interview Series with Charlene Perera!

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

So…… it sounds like my last blog post hit a bit of a nerve in a lot of people and how difficult it can be to ask for what you want. Thank you for the kind words and the awesome feedback on the blog – this is what keeps me going and gives me a feel for what people want to hear!  Last fortnights blog was specifically related to how to state your salary expectations with confidence and my experience of women not being great at this. If you haven’t read it yet, check it out here.

What this article seemed to open up though was a range of different areas in peoples lives where they do not feel confident or comfortable to ask for what they want. Examples that have come through to me have been around things like flexibility in working days, or hours, the confidence to ask for more responsibility, and even the confidence to ask for some (by the sounds of it, well deserved) annual leave!

Although the 5 steps that I gave in my last blog can be relevant in a lot of ways to anything that you want to ask for, here are a couple of suggestions for things that you can do to confidently prepare yourself to ask for what you want that might not specifically be about salary.

1) Ask yourself these questions beforehand:

 

Do you think your request is reasonable?

 

If it is related to work – is it fair, researched and not emotionally based?

 

Would you do it for someone else if they asked you?

 

What is the worst that could happen by you making this request? Literally, the worst-case scenario? (hint: usually it is just that the answer is NO!)

 

Asking yourself these questions first is really important.  Why? Because it allows rational you to come forward and layer another perspective on things. It helps you remove emotion and fear as to whether what you are asking for is truly reasonable. Just because we want something, doesn’t always make it reasonable. Going through this thought process gives you the opportunity to really reflect on that. I would LOVE to work from a Greek island with a cocktail and masseuse on call for a year, but unfortunately if I reflect on it rationally, for my role, it is probably not a reasonable request (Daaaammmnnn!!).

 

The most important question to ask yourself here also is “What is the worst that could happen from asking for what you want?”. We often work ourselves up so much to ask for something that we then don’t even ask for it because we’ve already convinced ourselves that it will never happen. Remove some of the fear by asking yourself what the worst thing is that could happen.

 

 

2) Be clear and practice hearing yourself ask for what you want before you do it

Yes, I did just suggest you practice asking for what you want – possibly in a mirror of some sort, or at the very least out loud. Why did I suggest that? Because that way when the words come out of your mouth for the first time you wont panic at what you’ve just asked and downplay the request, or worse yet take the request back! Be clear in what you are asking for and why (which you will be after doing step 1) and then ensure that you have thought about how you are going to ask.

3) Watch your body language

Be aware of your body language when asking for what you want.  Are you hunched over with your face talking to the ground and your request is barely heard? Are your arms crossed? Are you biting your nails or twirling your flippin’ hair?  Or, are you standing/sitting up straight with a positive tone, good eye contact (not a stare contest!) asking for what you want? This TED Talk by Amy Cuddy was shared with me a little while ago and it is a great talk all about the power of body language. Check it out here. It is 20 minutes well spent!

 

 

 

4) Don’t fall in a heap if the answer is NO

Here’s the hard truth. You won’t always get what you want. Sometimes the answer will be NO. But, before you let yourself fall in heap and believe that the world is out to get you (oh boy, have I been here!), consider this – a NO is not a personal rejection. Accept it for what it is and move forward. If you aren’t clear on why the response was no, then absolutely seek clarity. Ask if there is anything you could do to find a middle ground, or is there perhaps a timeframe where the request could be revisited. But, once this is discussed, and if the answer is still no, don’t wallow, don’t drown yourself in negativity – be graceful and move on.

 

 

 

5) Know your values and what is most important to you

This is probably the most important step of all. Understanding what is important to you – I cannot beat this drum hard enough. If you know what the most important things to you are and what your values are, then you will know how to deal with a no that could come your way. You will know if that is just a minor set-back, or is it a full-blown case of “its time to reassess”. If you need some help working out what this is for you, check out one of my older posts which might help.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life. Need help? Contact me at  youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and let’s see how I can help you.  Our first phone consultation is completely obligation free.

Much Love,
Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

How to ask for what you deserve!

New Year, New you? Nope. Here are 10 slices of inspo to get you up, out and keeping momentum this year instead of thinking you have to start again!

The Power of courage and vulnerability – How 10 seconds of bravery can change your life!

Do you recall the last time you applied for a new role? You get a call from the recruiter and you are pumped that you have gotten through the first hoop. They are talking to you about the role and it all sounds flippin’ fantastic! Then, it feels like out of nowhere they ask you for your salary expectations. You panic. You sweat.  You stutter. If you are lucky you say your expectations with a molecule of confidence, but mostly just fumble through the sentence. You may even then put something on the end of the sentence like “Oh, but it’s really just about finding the right role. The money isn’t important to me!”. Eeeeeeeek. Sister, you are not alone.

I have coached several women who have been in this situation either regarding roles they’ve applied for, or roles they are currently in. I have also been in this situation and have then beaten myself up afterwards for not being prepared for the question.  I ask this question regularly when I recruit for roles and it still surprises me, even in the more senior space of recruitment, how often women get flustered when asked about what their salary expectations are. Why do we do this? Why do we not say with complete confidence what we are worth?

 Have you ever experienced this? How did you feel when you hung up the phone and you knew it was too late to go back now and say a different figure because you panicked and said the wrong thing? Have you ever even accepted a role considerably lower than your expectations because you felt you couldn’t say what you really felt you were worth? Maybe you didn’t want to rock the boat, or loose the job opportunity because of the money.

My question is this – Why, for the most part do men seem so often more confident in saying exactly what they expect? (yes, I know this is a sweeping generalisation!) So much so that you almost just assume, “Oh, ok they must be worth that”. Infact, sometimes, in my recruitment experience, I have even had my question about what the applicant’s salary expectations are, returned with a question. Yes – they answered my question with their own damn confidently executed question about what I was prepared to offer for the role! At the other end of the spectrum though, often sits us. Highly capable, competent and professional women, yet for some reason when asked what we are worth, we fumble and panic on the other end of the phone trying to work out our answer to the question.

Let me give you two recent examples from phone calls that I have had regarding separate roles I have been recruiting for as part of my other full-time role (General Manager of People and Culture for a large retail business):

Example A) I was speaking to a gentleman the other day regarding a role and after talking about the role for about 20 minutes or so, I went to ask for his salary expectations – his response straight away was, “What is your banding for the role?” “What are you prepared to pay for the role?”. He literally answered my question with a question without even batting an eyelid (atleast that is how I imagined it given I couldn’t see him!).

Example B) I am on the phone to a woman about a different role and I go through the same 20 or so minute discussion about the role before asking her what her salary expectations are. She pauses for about 5 seconds, panics and then says, “I’m so sorry, I just don’t know what to say”. She then apologises again. Then continues to say she is really unsure what to say. We then sit in silence for another 5 seconds or so whilst I wait for an answer. I then ask if she would like to talk me through what she is on now as a package instead. The candidate then responded with that she would prefer not to disclose what she was on currently. Awkward.  

Here are my tips for preparing yourself mentally for when you get asked this question and how to then nail it when you answer the question:

1) Know both your current package breakdown and your expected salary package figure in advance. This sounds obvious, but a number of people I speak to are unclear on this and it can sometimes come across as untruthful when they fumble through stating it. Also make sure you know your package as a base salary, and as a package including super or anything else you may receive.

2) Do your research on what the market is offering to be sure that if you are going in asking for more than your current package that you are in line with market. Doing this research is not just a matter of going onto seek and downloading a couple of ads that look marginally similar to the roles you might be looking at. It is about considering things like size of business, scope of role, team size if you are managing people, your experience, level of risk in the role, industry, state etc. Do your homework honestly. Don’t just look for data that aligns with what you want to get – what is the market really offering.

3) It is all good to have a difference between what you are on now and what you want to ask for in your next role. After all, if you are going to move on or upwards in your role, it is understandable that you would want it to be for more, but be sure that you are confident about that as you could get asked both questions.

4) Practise saying your salary expectations over and over again and with confidence. Hear them out loud so that the first time you say it out loud to a recruiter you don’t panic and then add a sentence on the end like “oh, but the money is not that important though!”.

5) Be prepared to walk away if there is a considerable difference between what you believe you are worth and what the company will offer. This is a really important one and it is so critical here that you have thought about what is important to you. If a new role cannot offer you the package that you are after, but it can offer other things that are important to you (eg, flexibility in working hours, opportunity to work from home, learning and development opportunities, less commute, travel opportunities etc) then it is ok to still consider it. Just ensure you are being true to you and what is important to you and not accepting something you are not comfortable with, just because you think you must.

Talking salary can be scary and is often one of the things people hate talking about (it is up there with bather shopping for sure!). But, it doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable conversation if you are sure in yourself what you are worth and you ask for it with confidence.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman. Need help? Contact me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and let’s see how I can help you.  Our first phone consultation is completely obligation free.

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

Hi – I’m Claire and I am a recovering Overthinker.

Ignoring the Haters……. How to follow your purpose when you are surrounded with negativity?

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

You walk into a room and take a seat at the meeting table. Everyone else gradually trickles in ready to get started. They seem so relaxed. So confident. The meeting works its way around the room with everyone sharing what is going on for them – successes for the week, what they are doing really well in, sounding like they know exactly what they are talking about. And you sit there.  Sit there. Still sitting there. Waiting for your turn. But not just waiting for your turn to speak. Waiting for your turn when they will find out. They will find out that you’re a fraud. That you’re not capable. That you are an imposter. 

Say HELLO to Imposter Syndrome, and welcome to the club of women (and some men!) who experience this every day. Although only formally conceived as a term in the 1970’s, Imposter Syndrome is without doubt a syndrome we have been feeling for years before this.  Have you ever had that all-encompassing feeling of self-doubt, often just as you are about to speak, or pitch or present on something and you are just waiting for those around you to realise you are a fake. Sound like you? Then here is your VIP membership love, welcome to the club.

Why do we do this to ourselves? And, where does it come from?

Often, I see women with a fear of putting themselves out there in case they are wrong. A fear of asking for something in case they don’t get it, or are told NO. A fear of not putting their hand up for that promotion just so that they can get some “more experience” first, or another qualification to help them validate that they know their sh*t. WHY? Why don’t we just have faith in our own abilities and the fact that our knowledge and capability is what got us to where we are today, therefore it must be worth something, right?!

I used to be terrible for this, and was the absolute epitome of what Imposter Syndrome stands for. And then one day, I realised something.  Not one person actually told me that I couldn’t do something, or that I wasn’t capable. It was all in my head.  I was the one who told myself I wasn’t capable.

Imposter Syndrome can manifest itself in many ways, including;

  • Being 100% sure you are going to fail at almost anything you set out to;
  • Devaluing your experience or expertise because someone else might appear more confident, more experienced, older, wiser, than you;
  • Feeling like a fraud and like someone is going to find out about you; or
  • Being sure that someone else’s presentation style, pitch ability, confidence with conflict or debate is better than yours.

But the good news is, there is a community of women here to help you beat it. High profile C-Suite executives including Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook have quoted their own Imposter Syndrome before. Even celebrities like Tina Fey and Meryl Streep have opened up about feeling like frauds who were sure they were going to be “caught out”.

So, what can you do to beat Imposter Syndrome??

  1. Accept that there is no cap on how many people can be awesome, and STOP comparing yourself to others – YOU are also awesome.
  2. Acknowledge that you had to play some part in your current success – it doesn’t all come down to luck, or whatever other B/S you have been kidding yourself that it is.
  3. Keep notes of the positive compliments that you receive and read them back when you need reassurance that you aren’t a fraud.
  4. Realise that at the end of the day we are all just trying to make sense of everything together. If you think you are an imposter, then so is everyone around you!
  5. Call yourself out – when you experience these feelings, call it Imposter Syndrome. Once you put a name on it, it almost makes it easier to accept. Now squash the self-deprecating thoughts and move the F on!
  6. Get a wing-woman – whether you have someone in your life you can do this with, or you need to consider seeking out a coach, get someone to help call you out on these feelings and put the actions in place that you need to (in addition to the above) to get you past it.

So often the chances we miss out on are the ones that we never took because we didn’t think we could, think we were ready to, think we were experienced enough, had the qualification that we probably didn’t need, or that we would be successful if we took it. If you need some help getting past Imposter Syndrome, feel free to reach out to me and let’s help you get out of your own way.  

 

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

Is your Linkedin Profile helping you, or hindering you? Here is your ultimate checklist to help you win at Linkedin!

Are you stuck in a rut? How to know and how to fix it if you are!

Have you ever been having a conversation with someone and you can feel that they are looking above you, beside you, around you, all whilst pretending to be engaged in what you are saying? Have you maybe even been that person who is pretending to partake in a conversation, but half listening to another one at the same time because it might be more interesting than the one you are currently in? Perhaps you have been in (or are in) a job that you are only “half in” because you are always looking at other opportunities? Maybe you’ve been in a meeting thinking about what you could be missing out on that is happening at the same time, and therefore aren’t truly invested in that current moment?

Why do we do this? Not be fully present in one moment. Not be completely engaged and respectful when in dialogue with someone, or when in a job, a meeting, a holiday, whatever it might be? Why, so often are we looking for the next thing, or why do we so often feel the need to move SO fast that we don’t stop to enjoy and appreciate what we are currently doing.  Is it FOMO? The fear of missing out on something, but then never really enjoying any ONE thing because we are trying to be a part of EVERY thing?

Going back to the conversation piece specifically – I’ll put my hand up and say I have totally done this before. It’s not intentional, and it is often not even that we are not interested in the conversation we are currently in, (our primary conversation, not the secondary one we are eavesdropping on!), it’s that we have that much going on that we almost instinctively have the two conversations at once.

I became really aware of this recently for two reasons. The first was when I walked away from a conversation realising what I had just done and feeling like a jerk for doing it. The second, was when it was so obviously done to me. And it made me feel like sh*t.  Have you been there before?  You are talking to someone and you see their eyes dart one way, then another, above your head, they might even slightly glaze over and they are totally looking around for what feels like a better offer.

Sometimes we get so fixated on the next opportunity, or what we think we might be missing out on (again, hello FOMO!), that we miss out on what we are a part of in this very moment – we forget to enjoy this second. We feel that we need to multitask in every aspect of our lives, and all the time, that sometimes we just forget the basics of human relationships – respect and connection.

Do you ever look at your phone whilst in conversation with someone? (I put my hand up again here too – shame, I know!) – this is another area where the perceived requirement to be “on” all the time has led to us not even being able to fully engage in a conversation with one person at one time. A text comes through – we read it.  An email pops up – we look at it. The phone rings – we shift around in our seat itching to answer it. Have you been there?

Wikipedia describes FOMO as “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”. And this could be absent from anything – a conversation, a party, a meeting etc. We have started moving so fast and put so much pressure on ourselves to be all things at all times, that we now have legitimate definitions (such as the above) for the pressure we put on ourselves when we can’t be a part of everything.

Really this fortnight’s blog is a rant post, but if I can make even one of my amazing readers more aware of the impact both to another person, and yourself of not being fully present in all moments, or the pressure you put on yourself to try and be a part of everything, then it will have been worth the 750 words above…..

 

If you want more info on how to try and switch off from social media and resist the FOMO temptation, check out my previous blog post all about the self-care craze and get on board!! Click here!!!

I am also always keen to hear from people who are looking to progress with their goals and work on themselves to get out of their own ways – if this is you, and you’d like some support (call me a boot camp coach for your mind!), then I would be happy to have an obligation free chat and let’s see if there is something there.

 

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

Is planning to “not” plan a thing??

You don’t have to go upwards to go UP…. Here are 4 other ways you can work out what the best career path for you is!

5 reasons why it feels good when people don’t like you!

Hi – my name is Claire, and I am a recovering overthinker.  What does that mean? That means I have spent far too many years, thinking far too often and for far too long about what others thought of me. And the day I realised that none of that energy was worth it, was the day my life changed for the better.

Overthinkers are often hugely empathetic and passionate people. Sometimes this care and concern for others though and this insatiable desire to feel that we are doing good, or doing well can overtake the actual DOING of things. It can paralyse you and ensure that you invest more time dissecting conversations for what you said or didn’t say more so than the positive contribution/s that you actually made to the conversation. Overthinking can make you anxious, and it can stunt your ability to learn and grow, because you don’t see growth, you only see failure.

 

There are an endless number of books out there that will tell you how to ban overthinking forever, or a “5 step guide” to stop thinking about what others think of you forever. I call bullsh*t on that – and I can, because I am an overthinker, and I don’t believe it is something you can just “cure”.  It is a part of you, and when understood and used in the right way it can be a strength instead of a weakness.

I was doing a coaching session last week with someone who wanted to “beat” overthinking and wanted to know what could they do to stop thinking.  The truth is…… you can’t. But you CAN learn how to use your overthinking for good and not as a stress trigger.  It is not the overthinking itself that causes stress or anxiety, it is what you are thinking about when you are overthinking.

 

I still catch myself from time to time caring about things I shouldn’t, people’s opinions of me that I shouldn’t, or whether I did or didn’t say something.


Now, when I catch myself though, these are the three things I ask myself:

Firstly, why am I thinking about this, and is it worth investing energy on it?

Secondly, will this thought or event be a blip on my radar in 6 months time?

And, thirdly, what REAL evidence do I have that either a) person “x” actually has the opinion of me that I think they do, or b) what REAL evidence do I have that my contribution to something was below par?

You might not be able to ever fully beat the overthinking drug, but you can control it and own it, instead of it owning you!

 

Here are some of the things that I have learnt about us overthinkers, as a recovering (but not recovered!) one:

We aren’t insecure freaks – we just think. And we think ALOT. We think about us, about you, what we said to you, what we said at that meeting (or didn’t say). Is that why you haven’t replied to our email, or returned our phone call. Is that why my ears are burning. Like I said – we think. A lot.

 

Sometimes we care too much – and when we think we might have upset you (refer to point 1) again we feel really bad and we want to make it better. They key for us though is to learn that sometimes we are helping people more by telling them what they need to hear.

 

 

Sleep can be the hardest part of our day – particularly if point 1 and 2 are in play, it seems to be the time when all the day’s events decide to replay themselves.

 

 

With all the thinking that we do, we often come up with ideas and find solutions! Research has discovered that with all our overthinking, overthinkers can generate solutions to problems and create new ideas – the challenge is harnessing this thinking for positive and not negative! 

 

You might not be an overthinker in all aspects of your life – sometimes people are only overthinkers in one segment of their life – i.e. work, friends, family etc depending on where their insecurities lay. You might find when with family or friends you are confident, clear and don’t overthink, yet switch to Monday in the office your brain goes into overdrive.

 

 

Overthinking has become an epidemic, and with the social media tap heavily flowing and constant communication and commentary not disappearing anytime we soon, we need to get stronger and more resilient at managing the reams of information that are thrown at us.

Are you an overthinker?? Here are 4 things you can adopt to help you get out of your own way (or head, in this instance), and invest your energy on things that count.


When you catch yourself overthinking, do the following:

  1. Write it down – journal what is going on in your head and get it out of there!
  2. Talk to someone – but make sure they are someone who will call you on your bulls*it if you go around in circles with your overthinking talk (we can do this!).
  3. Use positive distractions to stop yourself from thinking about things you don’t want to be thinking about. If you are lying awake in bed at night just hoping you will fall asleep, get up and do something else for a while, focus your energy on that, and then try again.
  4. Most importantly, ask yourself the 3 questions above to try and try to dissolve the thinking pattern.

If you are a fellow overthinking, or a recovering overthinker like me, I would love to hear from you! I am expanding my Eating your Cake too offering to include coaching specifically to support women in getting out of their own ways.

Interested in learning more? Hit me up at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and lets have an obligation free initial chat to see if there is some synergy there.

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!

Photo by Caleb Frith on Unsplash

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

You don’t have to go upwards to go UP…. Here are 4 other ways you can work out what the best career path for you is!

Why I now believe in the self-care craze and 5 things you can do to believe it too!

New Year, New you? Nope. Here are 10 slices of inspo to get you up, out and keeping momentum this year instead of thinking you have to start again!

Before you quit this blog or click the exit button because you think that I’m going to go and start some sort of “what is the true meaning of life?” rant, that’s not what this is about (yes, you can breathe a sigh of relief!).

 

What I do want to talk about though, is why we often wait until something happens TO us, before we decide to make a change.

Think about it.

How many people do you know, who have had those ‘light bulb’ moments in their life – they’ve hit what they perceive to be rock bottom, or they are incredibly unhappy because of something that happened to them. Only then do they decide they should do something about it.  Why do we wait until this point? Why do we wait until something significant happens TO us until we decide to live happily on purpose and with serious intent?

I have come across so many people (myself included!) who wait until something triggers such an intense feeling of anger, sadness, frustration, or worse yet, illness, before they decide to fix things. I bet we all know that person who one day just snaps and quits their job in such a rage because they have been holding on to their unhappiness for so long, and then something (possibly very minor) triggers this intense reaction! About 2 years ago, this was nearly me.

I allowed myself to become so negative, so cynical and so miserable because I was unhappy with certain areas of my life, that it had completely bled into the areas of my life that had been going well. Why did I wait until things had gotten so bad, before I decided to fix it? Why didn’t I make the change when I first started feeling unhappy or negative?

This is my theory. We often aren’t unhappy. We wake up every day. We get out of bed. We go to work. We might have a drink or dinner with a friend afterwards. We come home, cook dinner, we watch some TV, we might go to the gym, and before you know it the day is gone and we are back in bed. This routine continues. Continues. And continues. Like I said, we aren’t unhappy, but are we consciously even aware of the things that do make us happy? It is not until we force ourselves to take the time and think about how much more there could be in life if we just consciously allowed there to be, that we realise how much more we can have.

I don’t believe we are lazy at all. I think there are a lot of people out there who work really fucking hard, but that doesn’t make them happy and it doesn’t make them successful. If more people took the time to stop and listen to themselves and what they actually want, we’d probably all find ourselves in a far more positive space.

People often hear this kind of language about “finding your purpose”, “living your truth” etc, and think that it is only for those people who are interested in hard core self-help or personal development. They think these words belong to these ‘cult like’ groups where often individuals experience massive transformational change, and that it then needs to be a lifestyle that you “sign up” to. I say NO to that.

I believe that all you need to do to have a more positive and fun-loving life, is decide that you want to!  Then, take the time to consciously sit down and ask yourself – What does that look like for YOU? That is step one.

 

Here is step 2 and this is the fun part. Get yourself a bottle of wine (or two ) if you need to. Sit down and ask yourself what are my favourite things in my life?

What do I love the most about my life?

What makes me really happy in my life?

If my friends were to describe me, what would they say? What would I want them to say?

 If my friends were to say, what am I really good at, or what am I known for, what would that be?

And how do I create alignment with those things? How do I set these things up in my life, so that they can be something that I can do?

 

It doesn’t even have to be big ticket stuff to make you happy. It can just be small steps along the way that you keep following, that give you that momentum to keep building on and live the life that you want. It is about continuing to look at ways you can challenge yourself. For example, I decided to sign up for singing lessons. Those who know me, know that I cannot sing to save my life, but it’s something different. It’s something to stretch myself. It’s something that I’ve not done before and why the fuck not.

I’ve got a plan to try a new restaurant every month. Go out with friends at least once a month and enjoy a diner’s club because if I don’t make those plans, it doesn’t happen. If I don’t actively sit down and consciously revisit this, then life happens TO me and I don’t want it to happen TO me. I want to control it. I want to be the one who decides what I get out of this life and not the other way around.

And I want that for you too.

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

Do you panic at the thought of networking a room on your own? Here’s how to nail it every time!

You don’t have to go upwards to go UP…. Here are 4 other ways you can work out what the best career path for you is!

What is your personal brand? AND, how can you use it to drive your success.