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Charlene real confident women
Career Coaching, Life Tips, Real Women Interviews

Welcome to our ‘Real Women’ Interview Series with Charlene Perera!

I am SO pumped to kick off our “real world” women interview series with none other than my incredible friend Charlene Perera! Charlene laughs loudly, doesn’t take life too seriously and always puts herself out there realising that the greatest rewards come with risk –  Which is why I thought she was a PERFECT choice for someone who can share how she is having their cake AND eating it too!

You might recognise Charlene from her time on Married at First Site back in 2018, – since that experience she has not only found an amazing man, but also has continued to be a powerhouse business-woman dominating the footwear industry, has recently started an executive MBA and STILL remains a beautiful soul with a great story to share!

I think we can all learn a bit from this awesome interview with Charlene and take some great tips and tricks away – check it out below!

Charlene real confident women

Charlene, we would love you to give us a bit of a bio of who you are and what you do?

Sure! My name is Charlene Perera and I look after the team, brand and all the other bits that have to do with a US footwear brand called Hush Puppies across Australia and New Zealand. If we must do titles, then I’m the General Manager for Hush Puppies – I LOVE it!

 

What is the biggest personal risk you have taken and how did you arrive at the decision to take the leap? 

The biggest risk that I have taken was leaving my university course with about 6 months to go…. I had no idea what I was going to do, I just knew that, that wasn’t it. I was at uni and working part time in a clothing store called Landes in Richmond, Melbourne. It wasn’t until I started working full time that I realised there was this whole world called ‘buying’ and I knew that’s where I wanted to be.

After creating a strategy for the clothing stores accessory business, I was lucky enough that they owners let me execute it and my career has just stemmed from there – it was a blind leap and I wouldn’t change a thing!

 

How do you stay motivated and how do you work out what you want to achieve in your life?

There’s always more….. it’s a good thing but also can be exhausting. In everything I do whether it be my career or my personal life an end goal is everything!

As soon as I know what my end goal is going to be, the strategy to how I achieve it may change 10 times, but where I’m headed never does. That drive for me is everything. To be completely honest, staying motivated is never really an issue, because I always want the end goal. I just really have to make sure that I enjoy the achieved goal for long enough before my head starts bouncing off to the next thing.

 

What does “success” mean to you? How would you define it for your life?

My definition of success is ‘hitting that target, accomplishing that goal or reaching that vision’.

Success to me has always been linked to happiness. Your mind can become so heavily focused on your strategy/vision that you can forget whether you’ll be happy when you get there – so long as whatever it is, will make me happy, then it’s worth striving for success.

 

Have you ever experienced Imposter Syndrome or a time where have felt like you weren’t good enough, smart enough, or experienced enough? How did you deal with it? What advice would you have for other women who struggle with self-doubt or low self confidence?

I deal with imposter syndrome often – it drives me crazy as generally I’m such a self-confident person. Given I started my career without a ‘degree’ or higher education qualification I often feel a wave of ‘surely there’s something I’m missing’ or surely someone is going to say to me one day ‘oh you actually have no idea what you are doing’.

How I repeatedly get myself through this though is by remembering that most things in my life or business come down to simplicity and common sense – you don’t need to have a degree for that.

Furthermore, in my position at Hush Puppies and leading a team, it’s not about me having the right answers, it’s about asking the right questions.

What I would say to women who are challenged by self-doubt is ‘if not you then who’, what makes someone else more capable? The right attitude and passion are worth their weight in gold. One phrase that I have learnt to live by is ‘fake it till you make it’, one day you realise you aren’t treading anymore you are just swimming without even realising.

 

What advice do you have for women who might not be sure of what their purpose is, or what they want to do with their lives?

Oh I know this feeling all too well!!!

The only advice that I can truly offer here is to ‘try everything’.  It means giving up personal time, doing things for free, reading a lot and most of all never saying no to an opportunity. But until you truly put yourself out there and experiment, you will never really know what you are capable of and what you might just fall in love with. You really have to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

 

What do you think the top 3 skills are that women need to have in a professional sense to be successful?  

Be authentic – always stay true to who you are – you can’t be anybody else.

Be passionate – create an electricity that people will feed from and be inspired by.

Be human – in the professional or corporate world people can forget that we are all human. The core essentials are key be open, be honest and be kind.

 

What do you think so often prevents women from asking for what they want, and what advice do you have for the Eating your Cake too community to help them build their confidence?

I honestly feel that women often don’t go after what they want is because they feel under qualified, which is all based around a lack of confidence. My advice here is that you really don’t know until you try. When I have lacked confidence and gone for it any way I have found that my version of common sense and my authenticity always prevails.

 

What is a quote that you live by?

I have a few that I absolutely live by:

“Team work, makes the dream work”

“Fake it till you make it”

“Not here to f*ck spiders”

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind”

‘Hold the vision, trust the process”

There is some AMAZING advice in there from Charlene!! Thank you so much!

 

If you have any other questions for Charlene, we would LOVE to here from you – email me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com

 

If you found this interview helpful, then don’t miss our next “Real World” women interview with the amazing Kylie Falconer, owner of KX Pilates Booragoon studio, Lululemon Ambassador,  co- founder of Lacuna Wild and all round girl boss!!!

 

Finally, if you know another sister who needs some words of wisdom like the ones here, then PLEASE pass this onto them and share the love!

Much Love,

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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The scary wake-up call I had that made me realise I was practising self-care all wrong!!!!

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

Nearly two years ago now I wrote a blog post about the self-care craze and how important it is to ensure we take time for ourselves to ‘tap out’ of being online all the time and to take time for ourselves to reflect, unwind and switch off. I still believe in all the tips in that article and they have certainly served their purpose for me (check the blog post out here), however, I’ve also realised this……

“I’VE BEEN DOING SELF-CARE ALL WRONG AT ITS VERY CORE!!!!”

At its very basic level, self-care is about, just that – caring for ourselves.  Yet, after having a pretty scary wake-up call recently I have realised that NO amount of smoothies, meditation or walks along the beach, will save me from not taking care of myself at the very base level.  

What do I mean by this? I mean, sticking to health appointments, following up on concerns you might have and not falling into the trap of saying “I am too busy”, because what we are really saying is “my health isn’t a priority”. And it is easy to take it for granted, particularly if you have had a really good run health wise. It’s easy to assume you’ll always be like that and therefore not stay on top of the things that you should – e.g Drs appointments, annual check-ups, skin checks, etc.

You might be reading this going “yeah, no worries, I take my health seriously!”. Yep, I was saying that too. And it was all good and well, until I got hit with the truth bomb that I did saying I’ve got skin cancer in the form of melanoma. Boom. Just like that. I also knew pretty quickly that it had gotten to the stage that it did because I ignored it. Ignorantly had put other priorities first.  Ignorantly thought I had more important things to do.

Now, that really isn’t self-care at all, is it? But I also get that it is so easy to fall into this trap like I did and think “nothing like this will happen to me”. Or, “I’m fine, I don’t have time for this”. Yet, somehow, we will still manage to make time for things not important and so not related to self-care, or to our health. None of the Instagram scrolling, the TV watching, or Netflixing really matters in the long run. We will never wish we did more of that.

And to be really honest, my first thought when I was told that the mole I had on my leg was cancerous, was GUILT. This was MY fault.  I let it get this far. I knew deep down I needed to make an appointment ages ago, but I kept letting “busy” get in the way of important. I kept letting work take priority. Or, I’d keep making excuses to myself, like having meetings I couldn’t move, or projects I needed to do as an excuse. I don’t write this to be a martyr, and I definitely do not write it to rag on my workplace as it would have to be the most genuinely supportive place I have ever worked. I write it because I know I am not alone. I know there are others who would be using their “busyness” as an excuse.  Their full diaries as a reason not to go to an appointment. I now have only one response for this…. STOP IT. We need to take accountability for ourselves and our health.

Why? Because your health needs to be number one, always. It must come first. It is the ultimate form of self-care and if you can make time to blend your morning smoothie, walk along the beach, do a yoga class, or scroll your Instagram feed, then you can 100% make time for your self-care at its very base level.

This blog has always prided itself on being honest, vulnerable and cutting through the crap. Part of that means me being completely honest with you all when sh*t gets a bit real in my own life. If even one person goes and makes a skin check appointment out of this blog, I’ll have achieved my goal.

If you’ve found yourself stuck in your own way – NOW is the time to get out of it. I can help you. Just ask me how. That is the first step.

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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How to manage Interview Guilt?

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

How to set boundaries that you actually stick to!

Part of the process of successful of goal setting is ultimately creating a plan for your success. It is all good and well to have the vision and goals, but without the plan in place to make them happen they are really just wish lists on a page or in your head. Also, your goals and vision should ultimately be underpinned by your values – these are what you consider to be the most important things in your life.

Therefore, as an example, if you are saying the most important things in your life are your family, friends and health, then your vision for what your life looks like should also be aligned to these, as should the plan you then put in place to achieve them.  Often though, this is where we fall down. We create these amazing vision boards, goals list etc, but we don’t commit to the changes we need to make in order to then achieve them. 

“Show me your schedule and I will show you your values” is a phrase I have used before and I will use again.

What YOU allow to take up YOUR time the most is what you are saying that you really, truly value the most. Actions speak louder than words.

If you take the time to review your current schedule, where do you think the most time is spent?  And, when I say time, I don’t just mean physical time – time also includes the hours you may spend thinking about something, the nights you lose sleep overthinking things – this is all time.

A few years ago, I decided to do this exercise for myself. Something had to change in my life and an assessment of where I currently was seemed like a logical place to start.  I printed off my schedule and bucketed it up into the key themes – I had to be very honest with myself too. I learned that about 60% of my time, or, on average, 100 hours of the 168 hours I had in any given week, were being spent on work – and as I said above that included actual work, thinking about work, and then overthinking about work! Next, it was about 25 -30% rest/sleep and maybe 10% time for relationships and play.  Zero time allotted to exercise, or development and growth.

I did this to myself though.  I allowed this to happen by not having clear boundaries to prioritise the things most important to me (and massively by allowing myself to overthink – if you think that might be you, check this blog post out on Overthinking!). CLICK HERE

I dare you to do this little exercise over the next few weeks as part of kicking off your new year in the right way. Keep a log each day of where your hours go. Split them into the following buckets that make up your balance wheel

  • Work and Career
  • Rest and Sleep
  • Relationships (Family and friends)  
  • Exercise and Nutrition
  • Development and Growth (e.g reading, learning, meditation, intellectual stimulation etc)
  • Play

Keep a balance journal and see where you land at the end of 30 days. Assess where you find your time gets spent. This will tell you your values as they currently stand.  Once you have had a chance to reflect on your journal, ask yourself this.  Is it where you want it to be? Are there areas of opportunity? Are you ‘walking your own talk’ in terms of your values and boundaries?

This exercise is also not to say that there won’t be times where your work load might be heavy and you might be “tilting” towards work more than you usually would. That is ok – it is when this lifestyle or schedule becomes the norm for us and we become completely out of sync with our own priorities that we need to step back, breathe and make some changes.

If you need help setting boundaries and sticking to them. I can help you. If you aren’t sure of your place, your purpose or even your own goals. I can help you.

But….the first step starts with you to decide that you are done being in your own way and ready to help yourself.

If there is something in you that just wants a little more. If there is something in you that knows there must be more to what you are experiencing now, but you don’t know what it is. If you aren’t sad, but you definitely aren’t happy – talk to me.  I can help you wake up in the morning excited to take on the day. I can help you build the confidence you need to ask for what you want. I can help you gain clarity on what your career path could, should and can be. Email me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com for a confidential and free 20-minute chat.

Much Love,
Claire Seeber
Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

POSTED IN LIFE TIPSPURPOSE

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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How to manage Interview Guilt?

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

Need some inspiration for the New Year? Help yourself with these motivational gems!

Can you believe another year has nearly come to an end!! Was 2018 what you hoped it would be? Did you put yourself out there as much you said you would in January? What did you achieve this year personally and professionally? Have you stepped forward and out of your comfort zone, or have you played it safe and are just getting through each day (if you are doing this, we need to talk!!)?

Below are the 10 major things that I have learnt this year and wanted to share with you – they’ve formed the basis of a lot of my blogs this year based on conversations I have had with people, challenges I have personally faced, and most definitely lessons that I have learnt along the way. If any of these points really resonate with you, then I suggest you click the “READ THIS” links next to them that will take you to my wider thoughts on the topic.

As the year comes to a close, do yourself the favour of taking some time out to reflect on your year – what worked, what didn’t and above all else, what did you learn? If you aren’t happy, remember, you have a choice.

Also, hopefully you are having a bit of a break over the festive season, so what a great opportunity to refresh yourself on some of the “Best of” 2018 Eating your Cake too blog posts!

MY LESSONS FROM 2018…..

  1. If you don’t ask, you don’t get…. If you miss out on an opportunity that you didn’t put yourself out there for in the first place, that is your fault. No one else’s. You have two options now. Throw your toys out of the cot and sulk or get back up and learn a lesson – ask for what you want.  You have to take responsibility for your own life – deferring it to others gives you a scapegoat and a reason to blame when it doesn’t work out –READ THIS, ALSO READ THIS , AND FINALLY, READ THIS
  1. You need to be relentless in the pursuit of your own goals – It takes courage to put yourself out there and be brave about what you want. It also takes work. A lot of work. Putting your goals on a piece of paper or on a pretty vision board isn’t enough. You have to consciously work at them every day. And check yo’self to make sure you haven’t gotten too comfortable. Comfort and routine feels good, it feels nice – but it is often where the safe play and where the safe get stuckREAD THIS
  1. Be kind and don’t judge others – Just because others may live a life differently to you, doesn’t make it wrong. What is wrong, is judging them based on your own values set. We need to stick together, not tear each other down. Every time you judge another person for what they say, or don’t say, wear or don’t wear, look at yourself in the mirror – you are the one with the issue, not them.READ THIS
  1. But also remember, you can only help people so much –Always lend an ear when people need to talk. Be supportive, take time and help where you can, but acknowledge that some people don’t want to get out of their own way, and that is their responsibility, not yours.  READ THIS.
  1. There is plenty of awesomeness to go around – STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS! There is no awesomeness tap – you can be just as fabulous as the person next to you. Comparing yourself to others just makes you miserable and chews up time you could of been spending on improving yourself.  Compete with yourself every day. Beat yourself every day. But not those around you. READ THIS
  1. Relationships are the most important thing in getting what you need, both professionally and personally. If you treat people like sh*t and then want their help, do you really think they’ll be there? READ THIS
  1. You cannot be all things, to all people, all the time. You are one person and saying no when you need to is OK. Also, not everyone will like you AND that is ok too! READ THIS  AND, READ THIS
  1. Make time every day for yourself, and yourself only, even 10 minutes – there is only so long you can last doing everything for everyone else, except for you. Take the time to get to know yourself. What are your triggers, what gets you excited? What gets you up in the morning? The more you know about yourself, the better you will be as a human being. READ THIS.
  1. Don’t’ ever be too proud to ask for help – it is not asking for it when you need it that makes you a tool! READ THIS
  1. Don’t do things for people on the basis that you expect they will for you in return. Everyone is different and if you’re only doing something for someone in the hope you will receive it back, when it doesn’t happen, you’ll just be resentful for something you expected from them, that was ultimately self-serving and that they may not even be aware of. READ THIS
  1. And finally (yes, I know I said 10, but I’ve added a bonus lesson!) – YOU CAN Get the f*ck out of your own way– you were given the opportunity, or the challenge that you were for a reason – you’ve got this, you CAN do it, so make the most of it! You are on this earth once, for one blimp in the existence of the whole world. You can look at that as a sad fact, or something really powerful – something that sparks you to make a change in the 30,000 days you have here to make it.

If there is something in you that just wants a little more. If there is something in you that knows there must be more to what you are experiencing now, but you don’t know what it is. If you aren’t sad, but you definitely aren’t happy – talk to me.  I can help you. I can help you wake up in the morning excited to take on the day. I can help you build the confidence you need to ask for what you want. I can help you gain clarity on what your career path could, should and can be.

But….the first step starts with you to decide that you are done being in your own way.

Claire Seeber
Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

How to manage Interview Guilt?

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

Need some inspiration for the New Year? Help yourself with these motivational gems!

When was the last time you really put yourself out there? Seriously! When was the last time you could feel your adrenaline pumping because you were doing something that made you nervous or uncomfortable? It might have been presenting in front of a group of people, putting an idea on the table that you hadn’t shared before, maybe a job interview, or maybe a first date?

Your comfort zone is a behavioural space where your activities fit a chosen routine that ultimately minimises your stress and risk. It provides you with a state of mental security. The routine is then reinforced because you experience regular happiness, low anxiety and reduced stress. If we are experiencing happiness, minimal to no anxiety and little to no stress, why the f*ck would I mess with that, I hear you say?

Because…. Healthy levels of stress and anxiety is where the magic happens! Interestingly though, to ensure you experience a good amount of “stretch” you need to consciously put yourself out there – that can be where alot of us fall down from time to time and that is where we can find ourselves in a bit of a rut.

 In order to maximise our performance, some anxiety is necessary (Yes, I did just say that!) — a space where our stress levels are slightly higher than normal. This space is called “Optimal Anxiety”, and it’s just outside our comfort zone.

Check out this TED Talk by Matt Cutts and see if you’re motivated to get out of your comfort zone! It is only 3 minutes long, but gives you a truck load of reasons why hitting that point of optimal anxiety is so important to your continued growth and development. CLICK HERE

Can’t remember the last time you put yourself out there or did something that made you even just a little bit uncomfortable? Maybe you are in a bit or rut.  Ask yourself these questions and reflect on these statements:

* Do you often use words like “just getting through the day”, or do your days generally start to feel like you have achieved very little?
* If you answered the question of “How are you?” genuinely, it would be something along the lines of “Meh”?
* You sort of know something doesn’t feel quite right within, but you just aren’t sure what it is?
* You often feel like you are on autopilot?
* You almost always feel tired –when you get up in the morning you are already counting down until you can be back in bed.
* You often day dream about a different reality, but don’t have the energy to do anything about it.

In need of a little shake up to get you back on track? That’s OK, we’ve all been there! First things first, watch the TED Talk I have mentioned above. Secondly, see if you can action these steps to help you.

1) Understand your current comfort zone – what is your current routine? Are you working long hours where you are woken up by coffee and put to bed by wine? You have little energy left for exercise at the end of your day so you just flop on the couch and watch Netflix night after night after night? Once you understand what your current “rut routine” looks like you can start to work out how to break it down.

2) Set yourself some small goals to get you up and about again, and eventually increase them in stretch – if you are living the above life I’ve just mentioned, maybe a small goal for you initially is to use one night a week to get out and catch up with a friend or make a phone call to a family member. Set small goals initially, but STICK to them – this will help you build back some momentum as you’ll be enjoying the good vibes that come with doing something for yourself and something outside of your rut routine. If you just watched Matt Cutts TED talk, you can now start to think of what you want to do with your next 30 days of challenges.

3) GET UP!! Nothing will rejuvenate you quite like some fresh air and the blood pumping again around your body. Even if it is only 10 minutes a day, don’t ever let a day go by where you haven’t been outside – and NO walking from your car to the house or the office does not count!

4) Talk to someone – Sometimes just “offloading” about how you are feeling can do you the world of good, and there are many people who would be happy to lend an ear. If you are feeling a sense of overwhelm on where to start, perhaps speak to a professional, whether it be a counselor, psychologist or a coach (Hi!!) who can help you start unpacking what is going on for you and help you create some goals to move forward.

5) Review the balance wheel and make sure you have something to look forward to in ALL areas of your life – not sure what the balance wheel is or where to start ? Flick me an email and I will happily send it through to you so you can check yo-self!

Most importantly, if you realise you might be in a bit of a rut, do not feel like you are alone, or that you need to be stuck here. We all have down periods from time to time, but it is important that you take the necessary steps to get yourself back on track and enjoying a life full of healthy balance and optimal stress that comes from pushing yourself in a healthy manner.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. The overwhelm. The career confusion. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life.  Ask me for more info on how I can help you at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com

 

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

How to manage Interview Guilt?

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

Need some inspiration for the New Year? Help yourself with these motivational gems!

You’ve finally done it. You’ve landed the dream job. The dream brand or Company, the title you’ve worked so hard for, and the money – whhhhhhoooop, show meeeeee the money! There is only one problem. Now that you are there, you’ve realised it’s not quite the dream job after all. Sh*t. Now, what do you do? Does this sound like you, or have you ever had this experience before?

Unfortunately, there is always a level of risk when you take on a new role in a new business. You’ve been painted a picture that you hope to be true, but you’ll never really know until you get in to a business what it is really like and what your role will really involve day to day.  Its normal to expect that your day to day life will never be exactly what was on the job ad – there might be some slight additions, or perhaps the 10% of your time that you were told you would spend on something, actually turns out to be about 25%. Most of the time we can handle that – but what do you do when you get somewhere and you realise it is SO NOT what you were sold? When you thought you were getting the penthouse, but you end up with the ground floor studio backing onto the freeway? Eeeeeeeeeek.

 

Well, you’ve got some options on how you play this and what you do….

 

Firstly, ask yourself this. Is there actually something wrong with the job, or is it just different? Moving from one business to another is a big change, even if it was something that you volunteered for. You are meeting new people, learning new systems, likely commuting to a different building and/or suburb, plus if you have taken a role that is a step up, you’ll also be feeling the pressure of what that means. So, take a breath. Reflect on whether the new job really is sh*t, or are you just experiencing a bit of change fatigue?  If it is the second, then this is completely normal and should subside over a month or so once you settle in and get used to your new normal.

 

Secondly, reflect on this. What do you like about the role and what do you not like about it? Write it down on a piece of paper and split the page into “like” and “not like”. Is the new job in a better location, with better hours and better pay? Perhaps that’s why you took the job in the first place?  What do you not like about it currently? The people aren’t friendly, or the hours are long? You need to work our which list currently means more to you and then secondly what on the “not like” list might disappear with time.

 

Thirdly, try a glass half full approach. Look at the opportunities for growth in your new job. Sure, it might not be quite what it was sold to you as. Maybe things aren’t as advanced as what you were told. Maybe there are issues within the team.  Maybe the culture doesn’t seem as good as what you were told. Put a positive spin on this and consider, what opportunity do you have to change things for the better? To put your stamp on the business or your role? A reframing of your situation could make the world of difference and encourage you to look at your situation as an opportunity not a mistake.

 

If, after reflecting on the above three items you still feel like you’ve gone down the new job mistake gurgler, then here is the silver lining – atleast you have a job, whilst you look for another one. Unless you are in the small percentage of the world who can afford to quit and not work whilst you find something new, then this is a good thing – plus, it means you can focus on finding that right next step instead of stressing about bills you have to pay and then jumping into another new job out of panic.

My top piece of advice when looking for a new job, or when leaving one for that matter, is not to burn your bridges. Be open and honest (as much as you can be) about how you are feeling, but don’t outwardly diss your workplace because this could come back to haunt you down the track. The world is a big and a small place.

 

Being at a career crossroads can be hard. Making the decision to make a leap to a new role can be scary, but it can also be exciting. Need some help working out your next move, or what you want to do? I can help.  Email me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and we can schedule a 30-minute call obligation free to discuss how coaching could help you.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life.

Much Love,
Claire Seeber


Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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Need some inspiration for the New Year? Help yourself with these motivational gems!

I don’t know about you, but this dark and wintry weather is getting me down (and on a side note, made me super hungry ALL THE TIME!). Take me back to the sunshine and cocktails please! Can I get an Amen?

Now, I don’t pretend to be a scientist, but I am pretty confident that there must be a correlation between winter time and people feeling glum, grumpy and just plain negative. Is it the cold? Is it that there is less daylight? Maybe both. Maybe neither. Sometimes people are just negative all year round. How do we deal with that? The negativity? The happiness suckers? The people who just seem to be down no matter what the situation. How do we make sure we don’t get sucked in too?

We all have bad days. We have things going on in our lives that sometimes can impact our ability to be ‘perky’ all the time. These aren’t the people I am talking about. The people I am talking about are the seemingly 24/7 frown upside down folk. Perhaps you work with someone who complains endlessly about their job but never offers any solutions. Or, maybe you have friends who speak negatively about others in your group and just create unnecessary drama. I seem to be having a number of conversations lately about how to deal with this, so I thought maybe a blog post on it with my 2 cents was timely.

It is important to call out that mental health is a serious issue and one that I strongly advocate people seek professional support for if they ever feel they need it. However, that is not what this article is about. Negativity is also a mindset, just as positivity is. We may not always have control over the environment around us, however what we do have complete control over is how we choose to react to an environment or a situation.

Here are some tips and tricks below that I use whenever I feel like I am getting sucked into someone’s negativity bubble:

1. Lend an ear and try to understand what is going on for them – Sometimes people don’t have strong support networks, or any support network. Therefore, they have no outlet to get things off their chest –guess what then happens? It comes out in meetings, emails, or water cooler conversations. Sometimes negative people just need to feel heard – they need to air their laundry and feel like someone empathises with them. If you feel like you can do this, it might help. It also puts you in a position to then do the below.


2. Ask them for something positive – Now that you have heard what is going on for this person – ask them for something positive they can do about it to take action. Alternatively, if you find you can’t do step one, yet you are still met with regular snide remarks and negativity, use this tip as something you can put on the table. What do I mean by this? Let’s say someone has just completely downloaded a whole heap of negativity in a meeting and the tone of the meeting/catch up has taken a dive – you could lighten things up again by saying something like “Ok… well now that we’ve gotten through all the negative, there must be something positive we can do with it?”. Look to that person and wait for them to provide a response.


 3. Don’t take it personally – it is not about you – This is the most important tip of all. DO NOT take other people’s negativity personally. It is not about you. It is about what is going on for them. Often when people are dealing with difficulties in their lives, those around them become the targets of their unhealthy coping strategies. Their behaviours manifest out of insecurities, fear and anger often resulting in outbursts. The most important thing you can remember is that this is about them, not you, so don’t take it personally or take it home with you.

4. Call it out if you feel you can – Sometimes people can be cynical or pessimistic by nature and this can come out as negativity. Often, they don’t even realise the impact they can have on a meeting, a conversation, or the downer they place on what was a positive moment. If you find yourself in a position with someone and they just keep putting in unhelpful or unfounded negative commentary – call it out. Get them to explain more and own what they are saying. You might find that either a) you atleast get to understand what is going on for them, or b) they are forced to own their negative commentary which might see them dial it back.


 5. Be responsible for your reaction – Whether the person is negative or not, ultimately, you’re the one who is perceiving the person is negative. Be aware of this and why you are finding this person negative. Sometimes I see people who are really struggling with someone for being negative, yet others haven’t noticed it at all. That might be because of what has been triggered in your own response bank by this person.

 6. Remove yourself if you need to – Looking after yourself is the most important thing you can do. If you are finding that someone’s negativity is really starting to impact you, remove yourself for a bit. This might be challenging sometimes in a work environment for you to do indefinitely, but it doesn’t mean you can’t take a moment, an afternoon to step away and restore your good energy.

7. Without getting too “Woowoo” on you – Imagine a positivity bubble that these people cannot pierce. If you start to feel that is happening, remove yourself. Take some time out to reflect on you, your other positive relationships and what else you have going on in your life that is positive. Don’t let another person’s negativity dent your shine!

Mindset is such a powerful tool and it is so important that above all else, you look after yours and ensure you are cultivating a growth mindset and a positive mindset.

For more help on how you can do this email me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and book in your free 30 minute phone consultation.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life.

Much Love,
Claire Seeber


Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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Ignoring the Haters……. How to follow your purpose when you are surrounded with negativity?

Picture this – It’s a beautiful day and you are heading to the beach to get some sunshine. You’ve got your bathers on (togs, swimmers or cosi for those playing interstate!), you’ve found a great patch of sand and you are about to get your kit off for some well-deserved Vitamin D. Then, right next to you rocks up a “perfect” looking woman (in your opinion), with a “perfect” bikini body and off she goes into the water. All of a sudden you have lost your appetite for the sun and for a swim. You now choose to sit there in your dress watching everybody else swim because, oooppps, you’ve done it again and compared yourself to someone else.

Perhaps you’ve done this in your workplace. Someone else speaks seemingly confidently and like they really know what the F they are talking about, therefore you must be wrong. So, what do you do? You decide to just not say anything at all because you’ve compared yourself to someone else and convinced yourself that they must be better than you.

 

Why do we do this? Compare ourselves to others. Act as if there is only a set amount of awesomeness to go around and if someone else has got “it” then that means there mustn’t be anymore left for us.

We do this every day and often unconsciously. “I could never wear those jeans because I’m not that skinny”, “I could never do that job because I’m not as smart as her”. We even compare ourselves to celebrities for looking amazing, and then we almost take pride when magazines show the photos of them with cellulite because it makes us feel a little better about ourselves. If we didn’t compare ourselves to others to start with, we wouldn’t need to worry about this!

 

Here is a list of the things that you lose when you choose to compare yourself to others:

You invest energy on something you cannot control: You can only control one life — yours. But when you are constantly comparing yourself to others, you are wasting precious energy focusing on other’s lives rather than your own and what you can do for yourself.

When you compare yourself to others you get resentful: You focus on the things you don’t have instead of all the amazing things you do have, and you get resentful towards others or towards yourself.

You miss out on the opportunity to be happy: when you constantly compare what you have with others you aren’t being appreciative or grateful for what you do have. Instead, you are busy looking at what others have therefore not allowing yourself to be happy.

If you are constantly feeling like you aren’t as good as others or you are worried that other people might think that of you, you could be suffering from Imposter Syndrome (learn more about it, here).

But, guess what – you can manage Imposter Syndrome and “Comparititis” – Here’s how:

 

1) Accept that there is no cap on how many people can be awesome, and STOP comparing yourself to others – YOU are also awesome.

2) Acknowledge that you had to play some part in your current success – it doesn’t all come down to luck, or whatever other B/S you have been kidding yourself that it is.

3) Keep notes of the positive compliments that you receive and read them back when you need reassurance that you aren’t a fraud or when you feel you aren’t as good as someone else.

4) Realise that at the end of the day we are all just trying to make sense of everything together. If you think you are an imposter, then so is everyone around you!

5) Call yourself out – when you experience these feelings, call it Imposter Syndrome or Comparititis. Once you put a name on it, it almost makes it easier to accept. Now squash the self-deprecating thoughts and move the F on!

6) Get a wing-woman (or wing-man!) – whether you have someone in your life you can do this with, or you need to consider seeking out a coach, get someone to help call you out on these feelings and put the actions in place that you need to (in addition to the above) to get you past it.

 

One final reminder – Be OK with imperfection and STOP comparing yourself to Beyoncé. Comparing yourself does nothing for your confidence and it just makes you think about all the things you think you don’t have instead of all of the things that you do have. You allow yourself to miss out on great opportunities professionally and personally through thinking you need to be perfect to succeed at them.

Remember this – Every time you look at something someone else has and wish you had it/where it/could wear it consider that there is someone doing the exact same thing towards you.   

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life. Need help? Contact me at  youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and let’s see how I can help you.  Our first phone consultation is completely obligation free.

 

 

Much Love,
Claire Seeber


Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

POSTED IN LIFE TIPS

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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Do you recall the last time you applied for a new role? You get a call from the recruiter and you are pumped that you have gotten through the first hoop. They are talking to you about the role and it all sounds flippin’ fantastic! Then, it feels like out of nowhere they ask you for your salary expectations. You panic. You sweat.  You stutter. If you are lucky you say your expectations with a molecule of confidence, but mostly just fumble through the sentence. You may even then put something on the end of the sentence like “Oh, but it’s really just about finding the right role. The money isn’t important to me!”. Eeeeeeeek. Sister, you are not alone.

I have coached several women who have been in this situation either regarding roles they’ve applied for, or roles they are currently in. I have also been in this situation and have then beaten myself up afterwards for not being prepared for the question.  I ask this question regularly when I recruit for roles and it still surprises me, even in the more senior space of recruitment, how often women get flustered when asked about what their salary expectations are. Why do we do this? Why do we not say with complete confidence what we are worth?

 Have you ever experienced this? How did you feel when you hung up the phone and you knew it was too late to go back now and say a different figure because you panicked and said the wrong thing? Have you ever even accepted a role considerably lower than your expectations because you felt you couldn’t say what you really felt you were worth? Maybe you didn’t want to rock the boat, or loose the job opportunity because of the money.

My question is this – Why, for the most part do men seem so often more confident in saying exactly what they expect? (yes, I know this is a sweeping generalisation!) So much so that you almost just assume, “Oh, ok they must be worth that”. Infact, sometimes, in my recruitment experience, I have even had my question about what the applicant’s salary expectations are, returned with a question. Yes – they answered my question with their own damn confidently executed question about what I was prepared to offer for the role! At the other end of the spectrum though, often sits us. Highly capable, competent and professional women, yet for some reason when asked what we are worth, we fumble and panic on the other end of the phone trying to work out our answer to the question.

Let me give you two recent examples from phone calls that I have had regarding separate roles I have been recruiting for as part of my other full-time role (General Manager of People and Culture for a large retail business):

Example A) I was speaking to a gentleman the other day regarding a role and after talking about the role for about 20 minutes or so, I went to ask for his salary expectations – his response straight away was, “What is your banding for the role?” “What are you prepared to pay for the role?”. He literally answered my question with a question without even batting an eyelid (atleast that is how I imagined it given I couldn’t see him!).

Example B) I am on the phone to a woman about a different role and I go through the same 20 or so minute discussion about the role before asking her what her salary expectations are. She pauses for about 5 seconds, panics and then says, “I’m so sorry, I just don’t know what to say”. She then apologises again. Then continues to say she is really unsure what to say. We then sit in silence for another 5 seconds or so whilst I wait for an answer. I then ask if she would like to talk me through what she is on now as a package instead. The candidate then responded with that she would prefer not to disclose what she was on currently. Awkward.  

Here are my tips for preparing yourself mentally for when you get asked this question and how to then nail it when you answer the question:

1) Know both your current package breakdown and your expected salary package figure in advance. This sounds obvious, but a number of people I speak to are unclear on this and it can sometimes come across as untruthful when they fumble through stating it. Also make sure you know your package as a base salary, and as a package including super or anything else you may receive.

2) Do your research on what the market is offering to be sure that if you are going in asking for more than your current package that you are in line with market. Doing this research is not just a matter of going onto seek and downloading a couple of ads that look marginally similar to the roles you might be looking at. It is about considering things like size of business, scope of role, team size if you are managing people, your experience, level of risk in the role, industry, state etc. Do your homework honestly. Don’t just look for data that aligns with what you want to get – what is the market really offering.

3) It is all good to have a difference between what you are on now and what you want to ask for in your next role. After all, if you are going to move on or upwards in your role, it is understandable that you would want it to be for more, but be sure that you are confident about that as you could get asked both questions.

4) Practise saying your salary expectations over and over again and with confidence. Hear them out loud so that the first time you say it out loud to a recruiter you don’t panic and then add a sentence on the end like “oh, but the money is not that important though!”.

5) Be prepared to walk away if there is a considerable difference between what you believe you are worth and what the company will offer. This is a really important one and it is so critical here that you have thought about what is important to you. If a new role cannot offer you the package that you are after, but it can offer other things that are important to you (eg, flexibility in working hours, opportunity to work from home, learning and development opportunities, less commute, travel opportunities etc) then it is ok to still consider it. Just ensure you are being true to you and what is important to you and not accepting something you are not comfortable with, just because you think you must.

Talking salary can be scary and is often one of the things people hate talking about (it is up there with bather shopping for sure!). But, it doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable conversation if you are sure in yourself what you are worth and you ask for it with confidence.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman. Need help? Contact me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and let’s see how I can help you.  Our first phone consultation is completely obligation free.

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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Why you should call Bullsh*t on New Year’s resolutions AND what you can do instead to succeed!

Have you ever been having a conversation with someone and you can feel that they are looking above you, beside you, around you, all whilst pretending to be engaged in what you are saying? Have you maybe even been that person who is pretending to partake in a conversation, but half listening to another one at the same time because it might be more interesting than the one you are currently in? Perhaps you have been in (or are in) a job that you are only “half in” because you are always looking at other opportunities? Maybe you’ve been in a meeting thinking about what you could be missing out on that is happening at the same time, and therefore aren’t truly invested in that current moment?

Why do we do this? Not be fully present in one moment. Not be completely engaged and respectful when in dialogue with someone, or when in a job, a meeting, a holiday, whatever it might be? Why, so often are we looking for the next thing, or why do we so often feel the need to move SO fast that we don’t stop to enjoy and appreciate what we are currently doing.  Is it FOMO? The fear of missing out on something, but then never really enjoying any ONE thing because we are trying to be a part of EVERY thing?

Going back to the conversation piece specifically – I’ll put my hand up and say I have totally done this before. It’s not intentional, and it is often not even that we are not interested in the conversation we are currently in, (our primary conversation, not the secondary one we are eavesdropping on!), it’s that we have that much going on that we almost instinctively have the two conversations at once.

I became really aware of this recently for two reasons. The first was when I walked away from a conversation realising what I had just done and feeling like a jerk for doing it. The second, was when it was so obviously done to me. And it made me feel like sh*t.  Have you been there before?  You are talking to someone and you see their eyes dart one way, then another, above your head, they might even slightly glaze over and they are totally looking around for what feels like a better offer.

Sometimes we get so fixated on the next opportunity, or what we think we might be missing out on (again, hello FOMO!), that we miss out on what we are a part of in this very moment – we forget to enjoy this second. We feel that we need to multitask in every aspect of our lives, and all the time, that sometimes we just forget the basics of human relationships – respect and connection.

Do you ever look at your phone whilst in conversation with someone? (I put my hand up again here too – shame, I know!) – this is another area where the perceived requirement to be “on” all the time has led to us not even being able to fully engage in a conversation with one person at one time. A text comes through – we read it.  An email pops up – we look at it. The phone rings – we shift around in our seat itching to answer it. Have you been there?

Wikipedia describes FOMO as “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”. And this could be absent from anything – a conversation, a party, a meeting etc. We have started moving so fast and put so much pressure on ourselves to be all things at all times, that we now have legitimate definitions (such as the above) for the pressure we put on ourselves when we can’t be a part of everything.

Really this fortnight’s blog is a rant post, but if I can make even one of my amazing readers more aware of the impact both to another person, and yourself of not being fully present in all moments, or the pressure you put on yourself to try and be a part of everything, then it will have been worth the 750 words above…..

 

If you want more info on how to try and switch off from social media and resist the FOMO temptation, check out my previous blog post all about the self-care craze and get on board!! Click here!!!

I am also always keen to hear from people who are looking to progress with their goals and work on themselves to get out of their own ways – if this is you, and you’d like some support (call me a boot camp coach for your mind!), then I would be happy to have an obligation free chat and let’s see if there is something there.

 

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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Hi – I’m Claire and I am a recovering Overthinker.

Hi – my name is Claire, and I am a recovering overthinker.  What does that mean? That means I have spent far too many years, thinking far too often and for far too long about what others thought of me. And the day I realised that none of that energy was worth it, was the day my life changed for the better.

Overthinkers are often hugely empathetic and passionate people. Sometimes this care and concern for others though and this insatiable desire to feel that we are doing good, or doing well can overtake the actual DOING of things. It can paralyse you and ensure that you invest more time dissecting conversations for what you said or didn’t say more so than the positive contribution/s that you actually made to the conversation. Overthinking can make you anxious, and it can stunt your ability to learn and grow, because you don’t see growth, you only see failure.

 

There are an endless number of books out there that will tell you how to ban overthinking forever, or a “5 step guide” to stop thinking about what others think of you forever. I call bullsh*t on that – and I can, because I am an overthinker, and I don’t believe it is something you can just “cure”.  It is a part of you, and when understood and used in the right way it can be a strength instead of a weakness.

I was doing a coaching session last week with someone who wanted to “beat” overthinking and wanted to know what could they do to stop thinking.  The truth is…… you can’t. But you CAN learn how to use your overthinking for good and not as a stress trigger.  It is not the overthinking itself that causes stress or anxiety, it is what you are thinking about when you are overthinking.

 

I still catch myself from time to time caring about things I shouldn’t, people’s opinions of me that I shouldn’t, or whether I did or didn’t say something.


Now, when I catch myself though, these are the three things I ask myself:

Firstly, why am I thinking about this, and is it worth investing energy on it?

Secondly, will this thought or event be a blip on my radar in 6 months time?

And, thirdly, what REAL evidence do I have that either a) person “x” actually has the opinion of me that I think they do, or b) what REAL evidence do I have that my contribution to something was below par?

You might not be able to ever fully beat the overthinking drug, but you can control it and own it, instead of it owning you!

 

Here are some of the things that I have learnt about us overthinkers, as a recovering (but not recovered!) one:

We aren’t insecure freaks – we just think. And we think ALOT. We think about us, about you, what we said to you, what we said at that meeting (or didn’t say). Is that why you haven’t replied to our email, or returned our phone call. Is that why my ears are burning. Like I said – we think. A lot.

 

Sometimes we care too much – and when we think we might have upset you (refer to point 1) again we feel really bad and we want to make it better. They key for us though is to learn that sometimes we are helping people more by telling them what they need to hear.

 

 

Sleep can be the hardest part of our day – particularly if point 1 and 2 are in play, it seems to be the time when all the day’s events decide to replay themselves.

 

 

With all the thinking that we do, we often come up with ideas and find solutions! Research has discovered that with all our overthinking, overthinkers can generate solutions to problems and create new ideas – the challenge is harnessing this thinking for positive and not negative! 

 

You might not be an overthinker in all aspects of your life – sometimes people are only overthinkers in one segment of their life – i.e. work, friends, family etc depending on where their insecurities lay. You might find when with family or friends you are confident, clear and don’t overthink, yet switch to Monday in the office your brain goes into overdrive.

 

 

Overthinking has become an epidemic, and with the social media tap heavily flowing and constant communication and commentary not disappearing anytime we soon, we need to get stronger and more resilient at managing the reams of information that are thrown at us.

Are you an overthinker?? Here are 4 things you can adopt to help you get out of your own way (or head, in this instance), and invest your energy on things that count.


When you catch yourself overthinking, do the following:

  1. Write it down – journal what is going on in your head and get it out of there!
  2. Talk to someone – but make sure they are someone who will call you on your bulls*it if you go around in circles with your overthinking talk (we can do this!).
  3. Use positive distractions to stop yourself from thinking about things you don’t want to be thinking about. If you are lying awake in bed at night just hoping you will fall asleep, get up and do something else for a while, focus your energy on that, and then try again.
  4. Most importantly, ask yourself the 3 questions above to try and try to dissolve the thinking pattern.

If you are a fellow overthinking, or a recovering overthinker like me, I would love to hear from you! I am expanding my Eating your Cake too offering to include coaching specifically to support women in getting out of their own ways.

Interested in learning more? Hit me up at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and lets have an obligation free initial chat to see if there is some synergy there.

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!

Photo by Caleb Frith on Unsplash

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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Variety is the spice of life, I always say.  And, like it or not, the only guarantee in life is taxes, death and that change will happen. 

Getting out of your comfort zone is a good thing. Change and challenges are exciting. It is how we learn, and how we grow.  Taking risks in our life and stretching ourselves is the way we find out what we really are made of, and we build up resilience.  However, what I have learnt, is that there is such a thing as your comfort zone, and being pushed outside of this comfort zone (this is where the magic happens!), and then letting yourself go into the danger zone. When we hit the danger zone, we can make everything seem worse because we are already feeling so out of our depth.
We overthink. We overcomplicate. And we panic.

I did this too myself about 2 and a half years ago. I had recently moved to a new city where we didn’t know too many people.  I had started a new job, in a new industry, which then turned into a very, very, different, and considerably more senior role than I had ever anticipated. I didn’t have the support network that I had been used to before in previous roles, or even in my personal life. I look back now and I laugh at how great these opportunities were, and how they have shaped me as a person, but at the time, all I saw was my failure, and I was resentful for it.

When you are so driven to succeed, and wired to want to achieve, you naturally put more pressure on yourself to do so. You feel like nothing is good enough, and the 80/20 rule goes out the window.  I felt so out of my depth with the culmination of so much change, coupled with a significant career stretch opportunity that I went to work most days waiting for that tap on the shoulder saying “thanks, but no thanks”. I went home and lay awake most nights criticising myself for the things I said (or didn’t say) that day, thinking that surely people would remember and be laughing about.

To compensate for these feelings, I just worked, more and more and more. I stopped making time for myself, my needs, and most certainly stopped believing in myself and my own abilities. I got to the stage where I honestly thought I couldn’t do it and started questioning other parts of my life.

Then, I realised, it was all in my head. No one told me I couldn’t do something. No one told me I wasn’t good enough. I had done that to myself, over time and just grinded away at all of my confidence. In pushing myself out of my comfort zone, I had actually pushed myself into a danger zone that was negative, ineffective and just plain unhealthy.

 

If I could go back and talk to myself with what I know now, these are the ten things I would remind myself… I like to think this is relevant for anyone taking a big leap of faith, stretching themselves personally, professionally or in any other facet of their life:

 

  1. There will always be haters, or cynics, and people with opinions different to your own – the quicker you accept that and move forward, the happier you’ll be and the freer you will feel.
  2. Don’t take yourself too seriously – no one else does. Enjoy life and remember that no one goes to that grave wishing that they worked more!
  3. You cannot be all things, to all people, all the time. You are one person and saying no when you need to is ok.
  4. People will keep taking, if you keep giving, and this is your fault, not theirs. Draw boundaries, and then stick to them, or you’ll end up resentful for missing out on something that you allowed yourself to miss out on.
  5. Make time every day for yourself, and yourself only, even 10 minutes – (check out my previous blog on self-care for some tips on how to do this here!) – there is only so long you can last doing everything for everyone else, except for you.
  6. Make sure you stop and celebrate the small things along the way and remember the power of appreciating what is actually happening now – as Eckhart Tolle has recently reminded me “Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But, then you miss your whole life, which is never not now”.
  7. It is ok to ask for help – it is not asking for it when you need it that makes you a tool!
  8. Don’t do things for people on the basis that you expect they will for you in return. Everyone is different and if you’re only doing something for someone in the hope you will receive it back, when it doesn’t happen, you’ll just be resentful for something you expected from them, that was ultimately self-serving and that they may not even be aware of.
  9. Everyone is dealing with their own sh*t and just doing the best they can too. Be kind, don’t judge and don’t take other people’s projections onto you personally – they might just be struggling too.
  10. Get the f*ck out of your own way – you were given the opportunity, or the challenge that you were for a reason – you got this, you CAN do it, so make the most of it!

 

Once you start accepting and following the above, things start to change. They start to shift, and life becomes all the more positive for you.

 

Much Love,

Claire Seeber xxx

Strong advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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