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Goal Setting, Life Tips, Own your life

Are you stuck in a rut? How to know and how to fix it if you are!

When was the last time you really put yourself out there? Seriously! When was the last time you could feel your adrenaline pumping because you were doing something that made you nervous or uncomfortable? It might have been presenting in front of a group of people, putting an idea on the table that you hadn’t shared before, maybe a job interview, or maybe a first date?

Your comfort zone is a behavioural space where your activities fit a chosen routine that ultimately minimises your stress and risk. It provides you with a state of mental security. The routine is then reinforced because you experience regular happiness, low anxiety and reduced stress. If we are experiencing happiness, minimal to no anxiety and little to no stress, why the f*ck would I mess with that, I hear you say?

Because…. Healthy levels of stress and anxiety is where the magic happens! Interestingly though, to ensure you experience a good amount of “stretch” you need to consciously put yourself out there – that can be where alot of us fall down from time to time and that is where we can find ourselves in a bit of a rut.

 In order to maximise our performance, some anxiety is necessary (Yes, I did just say that!) — a space where our stress levels are slightly higher than normal. This space is called “Optimal Anxiety”, and it’s just outside our comfort zone.

Check out this TED Talk by Matt Cutts and see if you’re motivated to get out of your comfort zone! It is only 3 minutes long, but gives you a truck load of reasons why hitting that point of optimal anxiety is so important to your continued growth and development. CLICK HERE

Can’t remember the last time you put yourself out there or did something that made you even just a little bit uncomfortable? Maybe you are in a bit or rut.  Ask yourself these questions and reflect on these statements:

* Do you often use words like “just getting through the day”, or do your days generally start to feel like you have achieved very little?
* If you answered the question of “How are you?” genuinely, it would be something along the lines of “Meh”?
* You sort of know something doesn’t feel quite right within, but you just aren’t sure what it is?
* You often feel like you are on autopilot?
* You almost always feel tired –when you get up in the morning you are already counting down until you can be back in bed.
* You often day dream about a different reality, but don’t have the energy to do anything about it.

In need of a little shake up to get you back on track? That’s OK, we’ve all been there! First things first, watch the TED Talk I have mentioned above. Secondly, see if you can action these steps to help you.

1) Understand your current comfort zone – what is your current routine? Are you working long hours where you are woken up by coffee and put to bed by wine? You have little energy left for exercise at the end of your day so you just flop on the couch and watch Netflix night after night after night? Once you understand what your current “rut routine” looks like you can start to work out how to break it down.

2) Set yourself some small goals to get you up and about again, and eventually increase them in stretch – if you are living the above life I’ve just mentioned, maybe a small goal for you initially is to use one night a week to get out and catch up with a friend or make a phone call to a family member. Set small goals initially, but STICK to them – this will help you build back some momentum as you’ll be enjoying the good vibes that come with doing something for yourself and something outside of your rut routine. If you just watched Matt Cutts TED talk, you can now start to think of what you want to do with your next 30 days of challenges.

3) GET UP!! Nothing will rejuvenate you quite like some fresh air and the blood pumping again around your body. Even if it is only 10 minutes a day, don’t ever let a day go by where you haven’t been outside – and NO walking from your car to the house or the office does not count!

4) Talk to someone – Sometimes just “offloading” about how you are feeling can do you the world of good, and there are many people who would be happy to lend an ear. If you are feeling a sense of overwhelm on where to start, perhaps speak to a professional, whether it be a counselor, psychologist or a coach (Hi!!) who can help you start unpacking what is going on for you and help you create some goals to move forward.

5) Review the balance wheel and make sure you have something to look forward to in ALL areas of your life – not sure what the balance wheel is or where to start ? Flick me an email and I will happily send it through to you so you can check yo-self!

Most importantly, if you realise you might be in a bit of a rut, do not feel like you are alone, or that you need to be stuck here. We all have down periods from time to time, but it is important that you take the necessary steps to get yourself back on track and enjoying a life full of healthy balance and optimal stress that comes from pushing yourself in a healthy manner.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. The overwhelm. The career confusion. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life.  Ask me for more info on how I can help you at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com

 

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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My last two blog posts have been a lot about why I no longer make New Years Resolutions and why I think you can achieve greater success without them through committing to longer term goals and then reviewing them regularly.  Did you miss them – Check them out here and here!

Part of the success of goal setting is ultimately creating a plan for success. It is all good and well to have the vision and goals, but without the plan in place to make them happen they are really just wish lists on a page or in your head. Also, your goals and vision should ultimately be underpinned by your values – these are what YOU consider to be the most important things in your life.

Therefore, as an example, if you are saying the most important things in your life are your family, friends and health, then your vision for what your life looks like should also be aligned to these, as should the plan you then put in place to achieve them.  Often though, this is where we fall down. We create these amazing vision boards, goals lists etc, but we don’t commit to the changes we need to make in order to then achieve them. 

Show me your schedule and I will show you your values.

I used to fall victim to this ALL the time.  I would say to myself regularly that my health and my relationships were hands down the most important things to me, yet day after day I would roll late from work exhausted, grumpy, and often having barely eaten for the day. I wouldn’t make plans at night because I’d assume I would have to work. Then, because I didn’t make any plans, I would work. It was a vicious cycle, but one I did to myself because I didn’t truly prioritise my values and I didn’t plan on how to deal with any obstacles that got in my way.

If I printed off my schedule back then and bucketed it up into the key themes, absolutely it would be made up of approx 60% work (that includes actual work, thinking about work, and then overthinking about work!), 30% rest/sleep and maybe 10% time for recreation.  Zero time allotted to exercise, or development and growth. I did this to myself though.  I allowed this to happen by not having clear boundaries to prioritise the things most important to me (and by allowing myself to overthink – if you think that might be you, check this blog post out on Overthinking!).

I dare you to do this little exercise over the next few weeks. Keep a log each day of where your hours go. Split them into the following buckets.

  • Work
  • Rest
  • Relationships (Family and friends) + Play
  • Exercise
  • Development and Growth (e.g reading, learning, meditation etc)

See where you land at the end of 3 weeks and where you find your time gets spent. This will tell you your values as they currently stand.

Reflect on this log. Is it where you want it to be? Are there areas of opportunity? If so, what are they and what are you going to do about them? What changes will you make to get your schedule back in alignment with your values?  I would love to hear from you on what you have found – email me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com

This exercise is also not to say that there wont be times where your work load might be heavy and you might be “tilting” towards work more than you usually would. That is ok – it is when this lifestyle or schedule becomes the norm for us and we become completely out of sync with our own priorities that we need to step back, breathe and make some changes.

If you want to know more about what “tilting means, check out this link where I quote the article as one of my slices of inspo. CLICK HERE.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman. Need help? Contact me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and let’s see how I can help you.  Our first phone consultation is completely obligation free.

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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New year, new you, right?? Noooooooppppppeee. You are still you every year, as you should be. So instead of using every new year as an opportunity to start again, change ourselves, or block out the past, why don’t we consider something different? Need more reasons to cut the crap on New Year’s resolutions? Check out my last blog post – it gives you atleast 4! CLICK HERE

Each day is a blessing, not just each new year. Instead of wiping the slate clean each year, we should be taking the lessons from each year and each day into the next. Use each year to continue to build on yourself and grow, not “start again” or be a “new you”. If you do that every year, you’ll be a new person every 12 months. You won’t give yourself the chance to be authentic, or to be truly vulnerable as to what your areas of opportunity for growth are because you are too busy wiping the slate clean to start again.

Here are 10 pieces of inspo that I have found hugely valuable in helping me keep momentum year on year on my goals and my vision for my own life. These little pieces of inspo will help you get the fu*k out of your own way! (P.s Nothing listed below is a paid endorsement – these are all just videos, books, articles etc I have found helpful, and hopefully you will too).

1) The book entitled “The Life Plan” by Shannah Kennedy – this book has largely contributed to my own ‘lightbulb’ moments a few years ago where I realised how important it was to have a life plan if you really wanted to maximise what you got out of your 30,000 days on earth.

2) This epic TED Talk by Brene Brown all about The Power of Vulnerability – https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability . This TED Talk is a great reminder about why it is ok to be authentic and vulnerable. You don’t have to have all the answers, you just keep building towards them.

3) This article by The Collective to remind you about why trying to achieve work/life balance is a myth and quite frankly just EXHAUSTING – Here is “What are happy women doing differently? The Power of Tilting” – https://collectivehub.com/2017/02/what-are-happy-women-doing-differently/

4) Get yourself a coach or an a**-kicker to help keep you on track – I have been blessed enough to have had a couple of coaches over the last few years and my lesson is this…. It is SO important that you find a coach that you feel “gets” you. If you aren’t on the same wave length, it isn’t going to work. I have had good and bad coaching experiences – not because they weren’t good, but because I don’t think they were the right coach for me at that time, or they weren’t aligned with who I was and what I was about.  Don’t like the idea of a coach? Then find yourself a trusted and truthful friend who will hold you to account on your goals and commitments.

5) Work out what your non-negotiables are and STICK to them! Is family the most important thing in your life? Then why are you not creating boundaries to make sure you are home in time to spend quality time with them each night? Health your number one priority? Then create space for exercise and stick to it.

6) Make your goals visible! Once you have a plan on what your life goals look like, and you have decided on what your non-negotiables are – MAKE THEM VISIBLE! Whether this is through a vision board that you continue to update (it should be a live piece of work, not something static that never gets refreshed), or you program your phone to remind you of your goals each day, whatever works for you – just make it visible and something you continue to be reminded of.

7) Start NOW and just keep going! Sometimes we build our goals up in our heads to be so big that we then don’t know where to start – so then we don’t start! The way to keep momentum and to keep inspired is to just keep going. Keep taking small steps to your goals and celebrate the wins along the way – that way you’ll maintain momentum and you will be able to keep your eye on the prize.

8) Don’t procrastinate – EAT THAT FROG! Ever heard of the phrase “Eat that frog”? It basically means to eat the ugliest, worst looking frog in your day first – or, complete the worst, ugliest task that you have to do, straight away. It will help create a sense of achievement early on in your day and then help you avoid procrastination for the remainder of it. Check out Brian Tracey’s book “Eat that Frog” if you haven’t read it before.

 
9) Get yourself some role models that align with your values – Who are the people you look up to? Aspire to? Get yourself some clear role models and in times when you are feeling unmotivated or uninspired think about what these people would do. Would they sit on the couch feeling sorry for themselves? Unlikely. They would be up and about tackling the issue head on. Research your role models and understand how they live their lives. Then channel your inner role model.

 
10) Finally, remember this ….“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” Unknown.

 
I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman. Need help? Contact me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and let’s see how I can help you.  Our first phone consultation is completely obligation free.

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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Ever since I knew what a New Year’s resolution was, I have made them. Every year, after I have recovered from what is usually a champagne induced hangover, I would sit down and think about what my new year’s resolutions for that year were. What would I achieve this year? What was I SO SURE that this year I would nail, or do differently.

Year on year, it was the same things. Get skinny (haha, I LOL at this one now!), save more money, and usually something around creating more “me time”, or being a “better person”. Do you know what the common theme by the end of January was?  I hadn’t followed through on a single resolution. By February I was most definitely NOT skinny, I had probably spent more money than I usually would, and I had not carved out any time for myself, or had become a “better” person.

Why do I think I failed every year?  Because I set myself up to fail from the start! I was never invested enough in these “resolutions” for them ever to work.  I never had a plan for them. I never knew what success actually looked like. And if these resolutions were supposedly SO important to me, why did I wait to the start of a new year to decide to commit to them? Why didn’t I just start the day I decided that they were important to me? I know why. Because I didn’t really know what each one meant. I hadn’t dug deep enough to know why these things were important to me and therefore I didn’t have the true energy and dedication to push on with them.

So, this year I’m calling bullshit on new year’s resolutions and I am politely telling them to go shove it! I also think you should too and here is why.

New Year’s resolutions give you an excuse to wait. Ever been that person that has said “I’ll start eating healthy from Monday”, or “I’ll start back with my exercise regime from Monday”. This is the exact same thing, except worse because you generally prolong the change for a greater period of time with new year’s resolutions. When you decide something is important enough to create a new habit for, or to make a change, commit to it then and there – don’t wait.

New Year’s resolutions make you place unnecessary pressure on yourself to develop huge, life changing resolutions that you then beat yourself up about when you can’t commit to them. We build and build and build up to these great, big, sweeping statements about how our lives will be so different this year because of these changes, yet if we just continued with our momentum and building on our habits all year round, we would find we achieve a far stronger result without all the pressure of the “New Year, New You” cycle.

New Year’s resolutions often aren’t SMART. Recall my ridiculous resolutions above. What does “get skinny” even mean? Firstly, it’s a stupid resolution because I know I don’t really want to do that, so I have stuffed myself from the start. When we develop goals, we need to make them SMART goals. If I wanted to lose weight – how much? By when? Is that realistic? Understand the specifics of your goal so you know when you have achieved it, or you will always feel like you’ve failed because you never considered upfront what success was.

You plan to fail when you fail to plan. It’s awesome that you have now come up with your goals, you’ve made them SMART and you know what success looks like. But, that still isn’t enough. How will you achieve the goal? What shifts will you make in your life, your schedule, your values etc to achieve the goal? Let’s go back to the “get skinny” resolution that failed year on year. Why? Because I never actually put a plan in place on what I was going to do differently. I never created space in my life or my calendar to exercise. I never made the conscious effort to meal prep, or book in exercise classes, get a gym buddy, etc. I just relied on this sweeping statement to pull me through without any real sacrifice or planning going into it. If one of your goals is create more time for yourself in the morning – great! Brilliant goal! But, how will you do it? What will you change? Who will make you get up earlier? And what will you now do with that time? What does a successful morning look like to you?

Instead of creating loose, surface level, ill-conceived, New Year’s resolutions that may see you fall into the 92% of people who do not follow through on them, try something different this year.
Also, check out my previous blog post on “Are you a Bullshit artist?”   CLICK HERE to see how to stick to them!

Consider the 3 P’s.

  1. Purpose – Understand what YOU want. What is YOUR purpose?
  1. Putting your goals on paper – Not just your goals for the year, your goals in life! This should be something you really think about and take the time to invest in. From there you reflect and review it regularly.
  1. Prioritise them – We often talk about procrastination when talk about our job, or the number of tasks we need to get done during the day. Yet, for some reason when it comes to putting our personal goals on paper and what we want to achieve out of our lives, we don’t allow ourselves the option to prioritise. We have already put ourselves last. If you want to achieve your goals, not just at the start of every year, but every day of your life, then you MUST prioritise them.

Check out these steps in more detail here – https://eatingyourcaketoo.com.au/ignorethehaters/

I work with a number of women coaching them on how to work out what they value, what their goals are, how to set them, prioritise them and then get out of their own way!

If you are interested in having a personal trainer for your life and your personal or professional goals, then let’s chat – youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com

 

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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Have you ever had a conversation with someone about your goals or your dreams and they look at you with a face like “You must be crazzzzzzy” – you just know they are thinking “tell her she’s dreaming”, and that that long list of ambitions and goals of what you want to achieve in your life is only ever going to stay just that. A dream.

This happens to me regularly, and I know I am not the only one. Although people are often not ill-intended when they rain on your parade, it does what any solid douse of negativity or condescending tone does – it plants a seed of self-doubt in your mind.

It starts to make you question if you can have it all. Can you have your cake and eat it too?

It starts to make you question if you are wanting for too much, or expecting too much.  Most people can’t help themselves but be bound by the restrictions they place on their own lives – it is just the way most humans are innately wired, and it works for society for us to be that way. To think that we can’t have it all. To think that the job we are in we must keep just because it pays the bills even if we are unhappy. To not put ourselves out there and stretch ourselves, because trying and failing is worse than the ignorance of the unknown.

I am again calling Bulls**t on that and if you are reading this, then there is a part of you that is too!

If you follow the right strategy and you keep your eye on the prize YOU CAN have it all. You will also be less aware of the haters or the negativity they bring because of the momentum you’ll have gained in achieving YOUR goals – all of a sudden the negativity doesn’t affect you because you are going to the beat of your own drum and kicking goals all round (excuse my merging of multiple metaphors into the one sentence!).

Here are three (3) P’s that I now choose to live by…..


PURPOSE

Understand what YOU want. What is YOUR purpose? Not Joe’s down the road, or Maria in the cubicle next to you. Yours.  What is the point of the long days, the late-night emails, the 2 hours a day on public transport? What does this get you, and more importantly, do you want it? If you do, then fuck yes, my friend, you are on the right path! If not, now is the time for you to think about the following questions.

What are your short term and long term goals and what does YOUR wish list really look like? Understanding this is the hardest part – it doesn’t sound hard, but I dare you to sit down and really reflect on what you want. Really want. Ask yourself these questions.

  1. What are you passionate about? What excites you?
  2. What do you value in life? (i.e. family, friends, adventure, career, wealth, freedom etc).
  3. What are your non-negotiables in life? (i.e. having a successful career, being fit, having children, driving a nice car etc).
  4. When you wake up each morning, are you pumped for your day, or do you drag yourself out of bed counting how many days until the weekend?

 

PUT YOUR GOALS ON PAPER

This is the fun part! Now that you are clear on your purpose, what does that look like in the short term and the long term? Often people are too scared to take the time to focus on this part and put it down on paper. Why? Because once they do this, sh*t just got REAL! You’ve committed and now you must follow through on that commitment.

  1. What do you want to achieve in the short term – the next 1 -3 years? This could be a holiday, saving for a house deposit, to get married, to meet a partner, spend more time with friends, get that promotion. It should be anything that is important to YOU.
  2. What do you want to achieve in the longer term? This is 5+ years. What does a “Full Life” mean to you? It could be the freedom and flexibility in your job to have enough time to focus on a hobby. It could be making enough money to buy that dream car, dream house, dream boat. It could be saving up enough money to buy a house with a backyard for your family to enjoy. It could be packing up for 6 months and travelling the world. Anything that gets your blood pumping. Do not put boundaries on things here. Think big. Too often we go straight to the reasons why somthing won’t work before we have even considered that it could. 


PRIORITISE YOUR GOALS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE

We often talk about prioritisation when we talk about our job and the number of tasks we need to get done during the day. For some reason though, when it comes to our personal goals and what we want to achieve out of our lives, we don’t allow ourselves the option to prioritise. We already have put ourselves last. That shit stops now! You have just said that the goals you have listed for the short term and the long term are the things the most important to you and your ability to live a full life. Therefore, why should they not be more important than anything else???

 

If you want to achieve these goals, you need to make the time to do so, AND you need to stick to it.

For example, is your short-term goal to lose 10 kilos in the next 12 months? How the hell do you do that if you don’t make a commitment to yourself to prioritise this first? If your sitting at your desk all day, every day sipping on coffees and eating crap, I see 10 kilos hitting your ass, not falling off it.


Prioritise YOUR goals first.

I could go on about this topic all day because it really is the biggest driver to living the live you want. And once you are doing that, suddenly you don’t actually give a fuck about the haters, the negative bystanders, the cynics and sceptics –  let them watch you have your cake and eat it too!

Much love as always peeps!

If you like reading my posts and know others who might get something out of it, I would love if you shared the love. Helping me get my content out there is the greatest gift you can give me. 

 

If you have any topics you’d also like to hear more about, then I would love to connect with you. Email me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com

Claire Seeber xxxx

Keen advocate for the getting the f*ck out of your own way to live the life you want!

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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