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Helping yourself, Purpose

Need some inspiration for the New Year? Help yourself with these motivational gems!

Are you feeling a bit of the post-holiday blues at the moment? Wishing you were still by your pool with a nice cold cocktail, but instead you are back at your desk dealing with the seemingly endless emails that enter your inbox daily? I have no doubt you are not alone here my friend! So, if you are lacking motivation at the moment, or just feeling like you need a little pep talk to get you back on track for the new year, below are some of my favourite tips, tricks and resources that I use to do just that.

Each year I like look to back at some of the books, videos, podcasts, quotes and learnings that I indulged in and which ones really resonated with me the most or pushed me to take action. I am sharing these with you in the hope that you might find they do the same too. FYI – Nothing listed below is a paid endorsement – these are all just videos, books, articles, quotes, etc I have found helpful and wanted to share the love.

1.I finished this book in a couple of hours because I couldn’t put it down! Get yourself a copy of “Purpose”, by Lisa Messenger immediately.  Have you ever considered why you get up and go to work every day? (Besides your bills, of course!). Have you ever stopped to consider why you open your eyes in the morning and instead of sitting on the couch for the next 8 hours you decide to get up and go to your job – THAT particular job? How do you feel at the end of those 8 hours?  Are you exhausted and counting down the minutes until it is over, or do you feel fulfilled, happy, challenged?  This book will help you really think about these things and help you on your path to finding your unique purpose.

2. This TED talk is EVERYTHING!!!! If you have ever needed some clarity over your identity or working out WHO you really are and what defines you (or doesn’t), this TED talk will help put all of that into perspective. Apart from that, it is also just an incredibly inspirational talk by a truly mesmerizing speaker – Best 13 minutes you could spend! What defines YOU – Lizzie Velasquez TED Talkhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=c62Aqdlzvqk

3. Use this year to compete with yourself and STOP comparing yourself to others.  This quote really resonated with me – “Your competition isn’t other people.  Your competition is your procrastination. Your ego. The unhealthy food you’re consuming. The knowledge you neglect. The negative behaviour you’re nurturing and your lack of creativity. Compete against that.” Unknown author.  If you are someone who loses motivation quickly by comparing yourself to others, check out this blog about the damage you do to yourself  when you compare – CLICK HERE 

4. Get yourself a coach or an a**-kicker to help keep you on track – I have been blessed enough to have had a couple of coaches over the last few years and my lesson is this…. It is SO important that you find a coach that you feel “gets” you.  If you aren’t on the same wave length, it isn’t going to work. I have had good and bad coaching experiences – not because they weren’t good, but because I don’t think they were the right coach for me at that time, or they weren’t aligned with who I was and what I was about.  Don’t like the idea of a coach? Then find yourself a trusted and truthful friend who will hold you to account on your goals and commitments.

5. Work out what your non-negotiables are and STICK to them! Is family the most important thing in your life? Then why are you not creating boundaries to make sure you are home in time to spend quality time with them each night? Health your number one priority? Then create space for exercise and stick to it. Are you focussing more on mindfulness and meditation? The how is scrolling your phone first thing in the morning helping you with that?  Not sure HOW to set boundaries that you’ll stick to? Watch this space for more info to come!

6. Make your goals visible! You all know I am not a fan of New Year’s resolutions (if you didn’t know that and want to know why, click here!) – I far prefer taking more time, digging much deeper and working out what you actually want in life overall.  However, once you have a plan on what your life goals look like, and you have decided on what your non-negotiables are – MAKE THEM VISIBLE! Whether this is through a vision board that you continue to update (it should be a live piece of work, not something static that never gets refreshed), or you program your phone to remind you of your goals each day, whatever works for you – just make it visible and something you continue to be reminded of.

7. If you are feeling in a bit of a funk, maybe it is time to get yourself out of your comfort zone, consciously! Try some new hobbies, go to places you haven’t been, eat food you’ve never tried, speak to people you don’t know – I dare you! Watch this ted Talk for some extra motivation – “Try something new for the next 30 days – Matt Cutts (4mins”) https://www.ted.com/talks/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days

8. Don’t procrastinate – EAT THAT FROG! Ever heard of the phrase “Eat that frog”? It basically means to eat the ugliest, worst looking frog in your day first – or, complete the worst, most challenging task that you have to do, straight away. It will help create a sense of achievement early on in your day and then help you avoid procrastination for the remainder of it. Check out Brian Tracey’s book “Eat that Frog” if you haven’t read it before.

9. This one is an interesting one because just the title alone feels insincere. However, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of the best books you can read if one of your focusses this year is on building your relationships and truly understanding people, then this is the book for you! If you want to dip your toes in first, check out this article  –  https://www.hubspot.com/sales/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-summary

If there is something in you that just wants a little more. If there is something in you that knows there must be more to what you are experiencing now, but you don’t know what it is. If you aren’t sad, but you definitely aren’t happy – talk to me.  I can help you. I can help you wake up in the morning excited to take on the day. I can help you build the confidence you need to ask for what you want. I can help you gain clarity on what your career path could, should and can be.

But….the first step starts with you to decide that you are done being in your own way and ready to help yourself.

Much Love,

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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How to set boundaries that you actually stick to!

I don’t know about you, but this dark and wintry weather is getting me down (and on a side note, made me super hungry ALL THE TIME!). Take me back to the sunshine and cocktails please! Can I get an Amen?

Now, I don’t pretend to be a scientist, but I am pretty confident that there must be a correlation between winter time and people feeling glum, grumpy and just plain negative. Is it the cold? Is it that there is less daylight? Maybe both. Maybe neither. Sometimes people are just negative all year round. How do we deal with that? The negativity? The happiness suckers? The people who just seem to be down no matter what the situation. How do we make sure we don’t get sucked in too?

We all have bad days. We have things going on in our lives that sometimes can impact our ability to be ‘perky’ all the time. These aren’t the people I am talking about. The people I am talking about are the seemingly 24/7 frown upside down folk. Perhaps you work with someone who complains endlessly about their job but never offers any solutions. Or, maybe you have friends who speak negatively about others in your group and just create unnecessary drama. I seem to be having a number of conversations lately about how to deal with this, so I thought maybe a blog post on it with my 2 cents was timely.

It is important to call out that mental health is a serious issue and one that I strongly advocate people seek professional support for if they ever feel they need it. However, that is not what this article is about. Negativity is also a mindset, just as positivity is. We may not always have control over the environment around us, however what we do have complete control over is how we choose to react to an environment or a situation.

Here are some tips and tricks below that I use whenever I feel like I am getting sucked into someone’s negativity bubble:

1. Lend an ear and try to understand what is going on for them – Sometimes people don’t have strong support networks, or any support network. Therefore, they have no outlet to get things off their chest –guess what then happens? It comes out in meetings, emails, or water cooler conversations. Sometimes negative people just need to feel heard – they need to air their laundry and feel like someone empathises with them. If you feel like you can do this, it might help. It also puts you in a position to then do the below.


2. Ask them for something positive – Now that you have heard what is going on for this person – ask them for something positive they can do about it to take action. Alternatively, if you find you can’t do step one, yet you are still met with regular snide remarks and negativity, use this tip as something you can put on the table. What do I mean by this? Let’s say someone has just completely downloaded a whole heap of negativity in a meeting and the tone of the meeting/catch up has taken a dive – you could lighten things up again by saying something like “Ok… well now that we’ve gotten through all the negative, there must be something positive we can do with it?”. Look to that person and wait for them to provide a response.


 3. Don’t take it personally – it is not about you – This is the most important tip of all. DO NOT take other people’s negativity personally. It is not about you. It is about what is going on for them. Often when people are dealing with difficulties in their lives, those around them become the targets of their unhealthy coping strategies. Their behaviours manifest out of insecurities, fear and anger often resulting in outbursts. The most important thing you can remember is that this is about them, not you, so don’t take it personally or take it home with you.

4. Call it out if you feel you can – Sometimes people can be cynical or pessimistic by nature and this can come out as negativity. Often, they don’t even realise the impact they can have on a meeting, a conversation, or the downer they place on what was a positive moment. If you find yourself in a position with someone and they just keep putting in unhelpful or unfounded negative commentary – call it out. Get them to explain more and own what they are saying. You might find that either a) you atleast get to understand what is going on for them, or b) they are forced to own their negative commentary which might see them dial it back.


 5. Be responsible for your reaction – Whether the person is negative or not, ultimately, you’re the one who is perceiving the person is negative. Be aware of this and why you are finding this person negative. Sometimes I see people who are really struggling with someone for being negative, yet others haven’t noticed it at all. That might be because of what has been triggered in your own response bank by this person.

 6. Remove yourself if you need to – Looking after yourself is the most important thing you can do. If you are finding that someone’s negativity is really starting to impact you, remove yourself for a bit. This might be challenging sometimes in a work environment for you to do indefinitely, but it doesn’t mean you can’t take a moment, an afternoon to step away and restore your good energy.

7. Without getting too “Woowoo” on you – Imagine a positivity bubble that these people cannot pierce. If you start to feel that is happening, remove yourself. Take some time out to reflect on you, your other positive relationships and what else you have going on in your life that is positive. Don’t let another person’s negativity dent your shine!

Mindset is such a powerful tool and it is so important that above all else, you look after yours and ensure you are cultivating a growth mindset and a positive mindset.

For more help on how you can do this email me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and book in your free 30 minute phone consultation.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life.

Much Love,


Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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Hi – my name is Claire, and I am a recovering overthinker.  What does that mean? That means I have spent far too many years, thinking far too often and for far too long about what others thought of me. And the day I realised that none of that energy was worth it, was the day my life changed for the better.

Overthinkers are often hugely empathetic and passionate people. Sometimes this care and concern for others though and this insatiable desire to feel that we are doing good, or doing well can overtake the actual DOING of things. It can paralyse you and ensure that you invest more time dissecting conversations for what you said or didn’t say more so than the positive contribution/s that you actually made to the conversation. Overthinking can make you anxious, and it can stunt your ability to learn and grow, because you don’t see growth, you only see failure.

 

There are an endless number of books out there that will tell you how to ban overthinking forever, or a “5 step guide” to stop thinking about what others think of you forever. I call bullsh*t on that – and I can, because I am an overthinker, and I don’t believe it is something you can just “cure”.  It is a part of you, and when understood and used in the right way it can be a strength instead of a weakness.

I was doing a coaching session last week with someone who wanted to “beat” overthinking and wanted to know what could they do to stop thinking.  The truth is…… you can’t. But you CAN learn how to use your overthinking for good and not as a stress trigger.  It is not the overthinking itself that causes stress or anxiety, it is what you are thinking about when you are overthinking.

 

I still catch myself from time to time caring about things I shouldn’t, people’s opinions of me that I shouldn’t, or whether I did or didn’t say something.


Now, when I catch myself though, these are the three things I ask myself:

Firstly, why am I thinking about this, and is it worth investing energy on it?

Secondly, will this thought or event be a blip on my radar in 6 months time?

And, thirdly, what REAL evidence do I have that either a) person “x” actually has the opinion of me that I think they do, or b) what REAL evidence do I have that my contribution to something was below par?

You might not be able to ever fully beat the overthinking drug, but you can control it and own it, instead of it owning you!

 

Here are some of the things that I have learnt about us overthinkers, as a recovering (but not recovered!) one:

We aren’t insecure freaks – we just think. And we think ALOT. We think about us, about you, what we said to you, what we said at that meeting (or didn’t say). Is that why you haven’t replied to our email, or returned our phone call. Is that why my ears are burning. Like I said – we think. A lot.

 

Sometimes we care too much – and when we think we might have upset you (refer to point 1) again we feel really bad and we want to make it better. They key for us though is to learn that sometimes we are helping people more by telling them what they need to hear.

 

 

Sleep can be the hardest part of our day – particularly if point 1 and 2 are in play, it seems to be the time when all the day’s events decide to replay themselves.

 

 

With all the thinking that we do, we often come up with ideas and find solutions! Research has discovered that with all our overthinking, overthinkers can generate solutions to problems and create new ideas – the challenge is harnessing this thinking for positive and not negative! 

 

You might not be an overthinker in all aspects of your life – sometimes people are only overthinkers in one segment of their life – i.e. work, friends, family etc depending on where their insecurities lay. You might find when with family or friends you are confident, clear and don’t overthink, yet switch to Monday in the office your brain goes into overdrive.

 

 

Overthinking has become an epidemic, and with the social media tap heavily flowing and constant communication and commentary not disappearing anytime we soon, we need to get stronger and more resilient at managing the reams of information that are thrown at us.

Are you an overthinker?? Here are 4 things you can adopt to help you get out of your own way (or head, in this instance), and invest your energy on things that count.


When you catch yourself overthinking, do the following:

  1. Write it down – journal what is going on in your head and get it out of there!
  2. Talk to someone – but make sure they are someone who will call you on your bulls*it if you go around in circles with your overthinking talk (we can do this!).
  3. Use positive distractions to stop yourself from thinking about things you don’t want to be thinking about. If you are lying awake in bed at night just hoping you will fall asleep, get up and do something else for a while, focus your energy on that, and then try again.
  4. Most importantly, ask yourself the 3 questions above to try and try to dissolve the thinking pattern.

If you are a fellow overthinking, or a recovering overthinker like me, I would love to hear from you! I am expanding my Eating your Cake too offering to include coaching specifically to support women in getting out of their own ways.

Interested in learning more? Hit me up at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and lets have an obligation free initial chat to see if there is some synergy there.

Much Love,

 

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!

Photo by Caleb Frith on Unsplash

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

You might also like:

Ignoring the Haters……. How to follow your purpose when you are surrounded with negativity?

How to set boundaries that you actually stick to!

The Power of courage and vulnerability – How 10 seconds of bravery can change your life!