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Helping yourself, Life Tips, Own your life, Personal Development

10 things I learnt this year that helped me get the f*ck out of my own way……

Can you believe another year has nearly come to an end!! Was 2018 what you hoped it would be? Did you put yourself out there as much you said you would in January? What did you achieve this year personally and professionally? Have you stepped forward and out of your comfort zone, or have you played it safe and are just getting through each day (if you are doing this, we need to talk!!)?

Below are the 10 major things that I have learnt this year and wanted to share with you – they’ve formed the basis of a lot of my blogs this year based on conversations I have had with people, challenges I have personally faced, and most definitely lessons that I have learnt along the way. If any of these points really resonate with you, then I suggest you click the “READ THIS” links next to them that will take you to my wider thoughts on the topic.

As the year comes to a close, do yourself the favour of taking some time out to reflect on your year – what worked, what didn’t and above all else, what did you learn? If you aren’t happy, remember, you have a choice.

Also, hopefully you are having a bit of a break over the festive season, so what a great opportunity to refresh yourself on some of the “Best of” 2018 Eating your Cake too blog posts!

MY LESSONS FROM 2018…..

  1. If you don’t ask, you don’t get…. If you miss out on an opportunity that you didn’t put yourself out there for in the first place, that is your fault. No one else’s. You have two options now. Throw your toys out of the cot and sulk or get back up and learn a lesson – ask for what you want.  You have to take responsibility for your own life – deferring it to others gives you a scapegoat and a reason to blame when it doesn’t work out –READ THIS, ALSO READ THIS , AND FINALLY, READ THIS
  1. You need to be relentless in the pursuit of your own goals – It takes courage to put yourself out there and be brave about what you want. It also takes work. A lot of work. Putting your goals on a piece of paper or on a pretty vision board isn’t enough. You have to consciously work at them every day. And check yo’self to make sure you haven’t gotten too comfortable. Comfort and routine feels good, it feels nice – but it is often where the safe play and where the safe get stuckREAD THIS
  1. Be kind and don’t judge others – Just because others may live a life differently to you, doesn’t make it wrong. What is wrong, is judging them based on your own values set. We need to stick together, not tear each other down. Every time you judge another person for what they say, or don’t say, wear or don’t wear, look at yourself in the mirror – you are the one with the issue, not them.READ THIS
  1. But also remember, you can only help people so much –Always lend an ear when people need to talk. Be supportive, take time and help where you can, but acknowledge that some people don’t want to get out of their own way, and that is their responsibility, not yours.  READ THIS.
  1. There is plenty of awesomeness to go around – STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS! There is no awesomeness tap – you can be just as fabulous as the person next to you. Comparing yourself to others just makes you miserable and chews up time you could of been spending on improving yourself.  Compete with yourself every day. Beat yourself every day. But not those around you. READ THIS
  1. Relationships are the most important thing in getting what you need, both professionally and personally. If you treat people like sh*t and then want their help, do you really think they’ll be there? READ THIS
  1. You cannot be all things, to all people, all the time. You are one person and saying no when you need to is OK. Also, not everyone will like you AND that is ok too! READ THIS  AND, READ THIS
  1. Make time every day for yourself, and yourself only, even 10 minutes – there is only so long you can last doing everything for everyone else, except for you. Take the time to get to know yourself. What are your triggers, what gets you excited? What gets you up in the morning? The more you know about yourself, the better you will be as a human being. READ THIS.
  1. Don’t’ ever be too proud to ask for help – it is not asking for it when you need it that makes you a tool! READ THIS
  1. Don’t do things for people on the basis that you expect they will for you in return. Everyone is different and if you’re only doing something for someone in the hope you will receive it back, when it doesn’t happen, you’ll just be resentful for something you expected from them, that was ultimately self-serving and that they may not even be aware of. READ THIS
  1. And finally (yes, I know I said 10, but I’ve added a bonus lesson!) – YOU CAN Get the f*ck out of your own way– you were given the opportunity, or the challenge that you were for a reason – you’ve got this, you CAN do it, so make the most of it! You are on this earth once, for one blimp in the existence of the whole world. You can look at that as a sad fact, or something really powerful – something that sparks you to make a change in the 30,000 days you have here to make it.

If there is something in you that just wants a little more. If there is something in you that knows there must be more to what you are experiencing now, but you don’t know what it is. If you aren’t sad, but you definitely aren’t happy – talk to me.  I can help you. I can help you wake up in the morning excited to take on the day. I can help you build the confidence you need to ask for what you want. I can help you gain clarity on what your career path could, should and can be.

But….the first step starts with you to decide that you are done being in your own way.

Claire Seeber
Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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The scary wake-up call I had that made me realise I was practising self-care all wrong!!!!

When I was first introduced to the concept of “relationship credits” it felt wrong to me. I felt weird and it felt a little bit disingenuous to be honest. I didn’t understand how we could truly have authentic relationships that had a “credit bank” attached to them.

However, I see now that whether we like it not, all relationships have some sort of credit bank – some are just more conscious than others.

We give and we take to everyone we know. Sometimes we give more, sometimes we give less.  I have relationships with some people where I know I do 99% of the giving and very little taking. Others, I’m probably more of the taker. And then there are some that are a solid 50/50. You need them, and they need you, maybe at contrasting times, but consistently.

This blog article is going to focus more on the importance of strong and healthy relationships in the professional environment. You’ll walk away understanding why you need them and why it is important to invest conscious time in them.

 

Have you ever had someone ask you for a pretty reasonable sized favour, right out the blue and you barely even know them?  They’ve asked you to stop what you’re doing, put yourself on the back-burner and help them with something when you’ve barely had much to do with them before? This is where the value of relationship building and essentially where relationship credits come in to play. If you had a relationship with that person, maybe they’d helped you with something before, and now they are asking for your assistance in return, you don’t bat an eyelid. You get the ‘what goes around comes around’ merry-go-round.

Hold the phone for a second though.

The first scenario where you don’t know them at all, and they’ve asked you to inconvenience yourself to assist them might be a harder pill to swallow.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we shouldn’t just help people in the workplace because they are asking – of course we should – that is the reason why a lot of us have jobs – to help others in the business when they need us.

But, put it this way – you have two people who both need your services or assistance at the same time. You are only one person – therefore, you can only help one at a time.  Who do you go to first? The one you have a better relationship with, dah!  The one who invested time in getting to know you, thanks you for helping them, or may have even helped you before.

Whether you like it not, this is the way humans are wired. We are a relationship focussed bunch. All the relationship credit concept does, is bring this in to the light and make sure you are more consciously investing into the relationships that you need to in order to do your job well.

How and why should you consciously invest more in your professional relationships?

 

1) Firstly, if you work with the attitude of “people don’t matter, I’m just here to do my job”, then you are already on the back-foot. Change your mindset and change it quickly. Not only do people hire people they like, but people with strong and mutually beneficial two-way relationships tend to advance in business as well.

 

2) Make relationship development a standard part of your week – Make it a point to invest time with 3 or 4 people in your business and get to know them, what they do and what they‘re all about. A simple “how are you?” as you keep walking and don’t even hear the response is not enough – ya feel me?

 

3) Keep your networks with people you used to work with too – Make sure you invest time with previous colleagues and keep those relationships fresh – they might work somewhere you want to work someday, and you don’t want the first time they hear from you in 8 years to be when you are asking them for an introduction or a referral.

 

4) Be open to what you don’t know and that it might actually be of value to you – What you can learn from others, both professionally and personally can influence your career or your life. If you are so closed off to that and don’t get to know others, you don’t know what goodies or opportunities you could be missing out on.

 

Curious to know more about the relationship credit concept, or need help with your own career roadmap? Flick me a note at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and we can talk about how to set you up for success now and for your future.

 

If you need some help working out what your next career move is, I can help. I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. The career confusion or crossroads. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life. 

 

Much Love,

Claire Seeber

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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The scary wake-up call I had that made me realise I was practising self-care all wrong!!!!

There must be something in the water at the moment. We are in some sort of crossroads where people are reflecting on their relationships and the value of those relationships in their lives. In the last few weeks I feel I have had very similar conversations with multiple people all about disappointments we have experienced with other people because of expectations we have placed on them because of what we would be willing to do for them.

We might get upset if someone doesn’t agree with our idea. We might get upset if that person didn’t read our minds the same way we feel we do theirs. We might get upset if that person doesn’t call just to check in on us the way we do for them.  We might get upset if that person doesn’t seem to share the same approach to catch ups or demonstrating their excitement for us when something big happens in our lives.  We expect that because we would do it for them that naturally they would in return.

 

If you are doing things for others only because you expect the same in return, then you’ve got it all wrong. You’ll always feel jipped. Why? Two things.

1) You’re doing business, not practising kindness when you do something only to expect it to be done for you in return. Don’t think you do this? Take 5 minutes and think about the last time someone disappointed you. Was somewhere in that feeling of disappointment did you recall a list of times in your mind when you have done things for them and therefore why could they not reciprocate? Be honest with yourself here.

2) We are all different. We all have different values and what one person might think is a fair and reasonable thing to do for someone, isn’t always aligned with someone else’s belief.

In a blog post I wrote nearly 12 months ago now (but boy is every word of it still true!), I was reflecting on things I wish I knew years ago.  Things that would have saved me alot of pain, tears and stress.  One of them was this.

 

“Don’t do things for people on the basis that you expect they will for you in return. Everyone is different and if you’re only doing something for someone in the hope you will receive it back, when it doesn’t happen, you’ll just be resentful for something you expected from them, that was ultimately self-serving and that they may not even be aware of.”

This is your fault, not theirs.

 

If you want to know what the other 9 things I know now are, check them out by clicking here .

 

Here are some of the common things I see and hear from people in terms of what we expect of others. Do any of them sounds familiar to you?

 

I expect you to know what I am thinking the way I try to do for you

I expect you to do the same favour for me that I was prepared to do for you

I expect you to be happy for me the way I was for you

I expect you to like me because I like you

I expect you to agree with me or my idea, because I agreed with yours.

 

We might not say these things outright, but these are the thoughts, the emotions that run around in our minds when we experience the feeling like someone has let us down.

You know what all of these statements have in common? There is so much “I” in them. Its not actually about the other person at all, it is about you. At the very root of the disappointment or the sadness of feeling someone hasn’t reciprocated your kindness is ego.

 

When we do things for others only because we want something in return – maybe not now, but someday, we aren’t practising kindness at all, we are simply trying to mask a business transaction as kindness.  When we do things for others only to expect it in return, we aren’t genuine.

 

Above all else, its exhausting! Do things for yourself or for others because you WANT to. Without expectation, without conditions, without a future favour in your back pocket. Just do it because you want to. Help a colleague – because you can. Support a friend – because you can.  Like someone – because you can and you genuinely do, not because you hope they like you in return.

 

Put simply – do not expect anything from anyone, ever. Instead, be grateful for the kindness when it comes your way.

 

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life. Need help? Contact me at  youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and let’s see how I can help you.  Our first phone consultation is completely obligation free.

Much Love,
Claire Seeber


Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

POSTED IN POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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