We all know this person – someone bumps into them in the street and they say sorry. Someone might forget to call them back, respond to their email etc and they end up being the one apologising saying they should have followed up again. The person who will assume they were the last person in line at the bar and will let the other 4 people around them go first even though they have been there longer. You might know this person. You might even be this person. Why? Because all you want is just to be liked. If you are liked by people then you must be doing something right.
Do you ever hold back your opinion on something with fear you might upset someone? And if you upset them then they might not like you anymore? And then the thought of someone not liking you creeps in – if someone doesn’t like me does that mean people will think I’m not good at my job? Does that mean that people will think I am not a good person? Does that mean my ability to progress will be stunted? All these thoughts come rolling in like a steam train and before you know it you’ve just missed a great opportunity to put forward your point of view. F*ck, I am exhausted just re-reading these two paragraphs.
Wanting to be liked is normal. I don’t think any human being goes through life actually wanting to be disliked. But the issue is when this need to be liked gets in the way of us being true to ourselves, or really showcasing who we are with fear that people might not like that person.
Newsflash. Not everyone will like you. Ouch, but true. And guess what else? You wont like everyone either.
The longer we remain more concerned with others approval, which, by the way, is completely out of our control, the less time we are spending on being comfortable in our own skin and happy with who the f*ck we actually are.
Here’s what can happen once you rid yourself of the burden that you must be liked by everyone you meet and you embrace the fact that you won’t be:
- You feel at ease and more comfortable in your own skin – once you stop giving a f*ck whether every Tom, Dick and Harry likes you, you feel a sense of freedom to really be you – and it feels good.
- You become more confident and comfortable to say NO – Why? Because you are no longer stressing about the fact that if you say no to someone it will mean they don’t like you anymore. You become confident in saying no, offering an alternative to still be helpful but without compromising your own work or your own priorities like you would have in the past.
- You will have more time back in your life – when you stop caring so much what others think you will find you naturally have more time in your day. How? Because the chances are your people pleasing behaviour was causing you to spread yourself too thinly to please everyone. On top of that, you were likely overthinking your interactions with everyone too and whether they liked the support you gave on a project, whether they appreciated you staying back to help them etc. STOP OVERTHINKING – click here for how to.
- You share your opinion more freely – When you no longer tailor your thoughts and opinions to those around you, you are able to freely share what is on your mind because you are no longer catering to the thinking of others.
- When people don’t like you, agree with your opinions, your style etc, atleast you know you have had some sort of impact on them and their lives. When you are a people pleaser you aren’t in any position to leave an impact on anyone because they don’t really have any idea who you are. Why? Because you are not being you – you are being who you think they would like.
It is ok to want to be liked – that is natural, but not at the expense of who you are and what you are all about. Next time you worry if someone might not like you, really ask yourself
a) what is the big deal if they don’t? and;
b) what control do you really have over that anyway?
I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life. Need help? Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s see how I can help you. Our first phone consultation is completely obligation free.
Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way!