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Learn and Grow, Positive Attitude

How to rise above when people want to drag you down…

There will be a time for almost all of us in our lives where someone tries to drag us down, dull our shine or just generally inflict hurt. Sometimes it will be intentional and sometimes completely not. But, when that happens, what I have learnt is that we have a choice.  We can let the experience dent, bruise or burst our confidence, or we can rise above, look for the lesson, remember who we really are, and move forward with grace and dignity.

This topic has really got me thinking about how to help others when they have this experience of people trying to drag them down, as unfortunately, it seems to be a relatively common theme. How can I help others? How do we make sure we rise above tough and testing situations when all we might want to do is write our real feelings across the sky for all to see?

We all know that trolls are on the rise. They have been for years and the ease and availability of social media only makes that easier and not something that is likely to go away any time soon – if ever!  I feel like in the last few weeks alone I have heard numerous examples either in the media, or from people I know where they have been impacted by this.

But here is the hard truth – you have no option but to rise above. There are trolls everywhere and towards almost everyone. Whether that be people hating on the mother who left her child in the car whilst grabbing some cash from the ATM. Whether it be the dream chaser sailing their yacht around the world, learning from their mistakes as they go and sharing those with others. Perhaps it’s even the reality TV contestant who has put themselves out there, even said some things they shouldn’t, but is still actually a human f*cking being with a good and beautiful soul! These trolls have confidence because they have a keyboard, but it doesn’t mean we let them win.

People will test you always. It is what humans do. But how we choose to rise above the tough times and move forward is both a measure of who WE are as a human being and how WE can teach others to do the same.

So, here’s what I have learnt about rising above the haters that I hope comes in handy for you:

You’re angry or emotional at what’s been said or done – GREAT. Now channel it for good. Use the anger and do something with it that will actually help someone, not an emotionally charged, ill written comment on someone’s wall, twitter or Instagram.

Remember the people who know you. Actually know you and believe in you. These are 99.9% of the people – don’t let the 0.1 percent overtake the 99.9%. Focus on them, they’ve got your back.

Stay strong in what you stand for – usually the objective of haters is to tear you away from what you believe or what you stand for, or at the very least remove some level of confidence that you had in your own abilities. Don’t let that happen. Instead, use it as armour to help you rebuild stronger in your message than ever.

Consider this – although this might sting now, is it something you’ll consider in 6 months’ time? If not, don’t let it take up energy that could be focussed on doing something positive.

Keep your eyes on your own pathway and keep working towards it – There are 7.7 billion people on this planet – don’t let the couple of haters make you think everyone feels like that.

Forgive, forget and move on – life is too f*cking short to dwell on things you cannot change. I love this quote I read recently on Tiny Buddha “Forgive these people for raining on your parade and forgive yourself for forgetting your umbrella.” And, if all else fails, think of Disney – if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all.

If you need some more help in dealing with negative people, don’t miss this blog post I wrote last year, it also has some handy hints you might enjoy – CLICK Here for how to deal with Negative people.

Or, if you need  a reminder of why it can be good when you aren’t’ liked, check this little baby out – CLICK HERE

As always, remember, I have your back and I am grateful that you have mine.

Much Love,

Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au
www.claireseeber.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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I don’t know about you, but this dark and wintry weather is getting me down (and on a side note, made me super hungry ALL THE TIME!). Take me back to the sunshine and cocktails please! Can I get an Amen?

Now, I don’t pretend to be a scientist, but I am pretty confident that there must be a correlation between winter time and people feeling glum, grumpy and just plain negative. Is it the cold? Is it that there is less daylight? Maybe both. Maybe neither. Sometimes people are just negative all year round. How do we deal with that? The negativity? The happiness suckers? The people who just seem to be down no matter what the situation. How do we make sure we don’t get sucked in too?

We all have bad days. We have things going on in our lives that sometimes can impact our ability to be ‘perky’ all the time. These aren’t the people I am talking about. The people I am talking about are the seemingly 24/7 frown upside down folk. Perhaps you work with someone who complains endlessly about their job but never offers any solutions. Or, maybe you have friends who speak negatively about others in your group and just create unnecessary drama. I seem to be having a number of conversations lately about how to deal with this, so I thought maybe a blog post on it with my 2 cents was timely.

It is important to call out that mental health is a serious issue and one that I strongly advocate people seek professional support for if they ever feel they need it. However, that is not what this article is about. Negativity is also a mindset, just as positivity is. We may not always have control over the environment around us, however what we do have complete control over is how we choose to react to an environment or a situation.

Here are some tips and tricks below that I use whenever I feel like I am getting sucked into someone’s negativity bubble:

1. Lend an ear and try to understand what is going on for them – Sometimes people don’t have strong support networks, or any support network. Therefore, they have no outlet to get things off their chest –guess what then happens? It comes out in meetings, emails, or water cooler conversations. Sometimes negative people just need to feel heard – they need to air their laundry and feel like someone empathises with them. If you feel like you can do this, it might help. It also puts you in a position to then do the below.


2. Ask them for something positive – Now that you have heard what is going on for this person – ask them for something positive they can do about it to take action. Alternatively, if you find you can’t do step one, yet you are still met with regular snide remarks and negativity, use this tip as something you can put on the table. What do I mean by this? Let’s say someone has just completely downloaded a whole heap of negativity in a meeting and the tone of the meeting/catch up has taken a dive – you could lighten things up again by saying something like “Ok… well now that we’ve gotten through all the negative, there must be something positive we can do with it?”. Look to that person and wait for them to provide a response.


 3. Don’t take it personally – it is not about you – This is the most important tip of all. DO NOT take other people’s negativity personally. It is not about you. It is about what is going on for them. Often when people are dealing with difficulties in their lives, those around them become the targets of their unhealthy coping strategies. Their behaviours manifest out of insecurities, fear and anger often resulting in outbursts. The most important thing you can remember is that this is about them, not you, so don’t take it personally or take it home with you.

4. Call it out if you feel you can – Sometimes people can be cynical or pessimistic by nature and this can come out as negativity. Often, they don’t even realise the impact they can have on a meeting, a conversation, or the downer they place on what was a positive moment. If you find yourself in a position with someone and they just keep putting in unhelpful or unfounded negative commentary – call it out. Get them to explain more and own what they are saying. You might find that either a) you atleast get to understand what is going on for them, or b) they are forced to own their negative commentary which might see them dial it back.


 5. Be responsible for your reaction – Whether the person is negative or not, ultimately, you’re the one who is perceiving the person is negative. Be aware of this and why you are finding this person negative. Sometimes I see people who are really struggling with someone for being negative, yet others haven’t noticed it at all. That might be because of what has been triggered in your own response bank by this person.

 6. Remove yourself if you need to – Looking after yourself is the most important thing you can do. If you are finding that someone’s negativity is really starting to impact you, remove yourself for a bit. This might be challenging sometimes in a work environment for you to do indefinitely, but it doesn’t mean you can’t take a moment, an afternoon to step away and restore your good energy.

7. Without getting too “Woowoo” on you – Imagine a positivity bubble that these people cannot pierce. If you start to feel that is happening, remove yourself. Take some time out to reflect on you, your other positive relationships and what else you have going on in your life that is positive. Don’t let another person’s negativity dent your shine!

Mindset is such a powerful tool and it is so important that above all else, you look after yours and ensure you are cultivating a growth mindset and a positive mindset.

For more help on how you can do this email me at youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com and book in your free 30 minute phone consultation.

I help women get out of their own ways. I help you deal with the overthinking. The Imposter Syndrome. The self-doubt. All the things currently getting in your way of being a confident, kick a** woman in your workplace and in your life.

Much Love,


Keen advocate for helping you get the f*ck out of your own way! 
youcan@eatingyourcaketoo.com
www.eatingyourcaketoo.com.au

Author

Claire Seeber is a self-proclaimed travel addict, mini-sausage dog mumma, avid blogger, a lover of a good glass of pinot noir and believes a solid belly laugh should be part of your every day.

She is also a professional coach, speaker and People and Culture consultant. Claire started her business in 2017 whilst working full time as General Manager of HR for a large retail business. What she loves the most about the work she does is being able to work with passionate, motivated and courageous people who genuinely want to reach their full potential and are ready to put the hard yards in to get there.

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